The Sound of Jasmine
by luna-magic-2005
Summary: Kaoru is a mute, a result from a tragic incident in the past. She meets up with our famous hitokiri and unknowingly starts down an irreversable path that could either save the man, or utterly destroy the woman who took the chance to care. AU,KK
1. Forbidden Warrior

Standard disclaimer applies. I do not own Rurouni Kenshin

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part One: Forbidden Warrior

...

He sits quietly at the table, staring sightlessly into a cup of sake. The dark corner he was seated in made him nearly invisible. Since he sat so motionless, no one would detect he was even there.

But I knew.

He comes here, every night, and sits at that same table, every night. The other girls were too afraid to approach him, being foolish enough to stare at him straight in the eyes, thus not having the strength to approach and look again. But it was bad business to keep a customer-any customer -waiting. So I, like the foolish girl I've been called, rose up to the challenge and approached him with a courage I didn't feel.

I say nothing. Have never, in fact. I just walk up to him, my eyes to the floor, and wait. Then he murmurs in that low, silken voice; a gentle sound, his order. Yet, every time, I can't help but feel fear well up inside of me like a pot of overflowing boiling water.

Sake. He orders nothing but a single bottle of sake every single night. And does nothing but stare unseeing into the cup. And then, once the hour strikes midnight, he walks with an unthinking silent grace towards the door after tossing a few coins on the table, leaving his bottle of untouched sake behind.

I have only looked at him once, because I felt that there was no need for a second glance. And I was right. Even now, that single memory of his face burns vividly in my mind, like a fire that refuses to be put out.

His hair is, instead of the dark, dank color of blood that I had expected, was instead the color of warm flames that linger in the embers of a dying fire. Beautiful was the first word that entered my mind. And when I caught a glimpse of his eyes, deadly.

But tonight was different.

He seemed even more distant than before, and, dare I say, lonely. And tonight, he actually drank.

If I hadn't glanced up in his direction when one of the customers fell backwards in a drunken state, and my eyes went instead to him, I would have never noticed. I had tried to ignore him, desperately looking forward to midnight so I wouldn't be stuck thinking about his empty, lonely eyes a moment longer. But it is now past the hour of one, and he still sits there, staring down at his hands this time, occasionally sipping his drink.

My immediate thought was to comfort him, like my instincts screamed to do every time I feel if some one is suffering. But every time I feel the urge, I stamp it out, remembering just who he is- or rather, who he wasn't. Who he wasn't, was a man I knew, and at the moment, felt no desire to.

An errant thought entered my head as I thought of how lonely his life must be, since he probably was aware of how many people's skin crawl when they look into his eyes. How many people, like myself, do not want to even be acquaintances with him.

Guiltily, I stamp that train of thought out of my head and focus on my task.

Finally, when my shift ended, I hurried out the door, glad that my gaze had only strayed to him that one time.

The night was brighter than usual. The moon full and bright, allowing me to find the path to my broken home in a small grove of trees about five minutes out of Kyoto.

When I laid down in my shabby futon, my head resting on a bundle of folded clothes as my makeshift pillow, I fell asleep and dreamt.

And when I did, I dreamt of the forbidden warrior, with the eyes of amber flame, staring deep into my own with a sadness so profound that when I awoke the next morning, I found myself crying.


	2. Nightmare of Memories

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

Part Two: Nightmare of Memories

By: Luna

...

My breath caught in my throat.

He was here; just arrived, and was walking slowly to his table. My breath trembled in my throat, and I wondered how a little dream could affect me this much. But it did affect me. This much and more.

His eyes... they were so sad... and he was crying...

Not so much as tears running down his cheeks, but it was as if I could feel them leaking from his soul. He seemed to be in so much pain...

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. It all came down to this being just a dream, and I knew that I should not react to it as strongly as I am. But... I can't seem to help myself.

With a sigh, I grabbed his bottle of sake and the cleanest cup I could find and made my way over to him. With my head bowed, I snuck a peak at him from under my bangs. He didn't seem any different from before. I sighed and I knew that I would have to stop referring him to my dream. His eyes were as empty, cold and lonely as before.

I set the bottle of sake in front him softly, then the cup. He seemed startled. Instead of keeping my head bowed as I usually did, I looked up to his face to see what was wrong. He usually seemed to know whenever I came near. I blinked.

He was staring right at me...

I offered him a smile and waited to see if he wanted anything else. But he didn't say anything, just stared at me. I frowned slightly.

His cheeks seemed a little too flushed, and he wasn't drunk. Without thinking, I reached my hand out and lightly brushed my fingertips across his forehead. He jerked his head back just as quickly as I retracted my hand. He was burning up!

I left quickly, my intent to make him some tea that would help with his fever. Just a bit of chamomile and mint...

I quickly poured some hot water from a kettle heating over a fire pit, and then quickly stirred the tea. I wanted it to be ready before he left. Taking the skills I learned from my childhood, I wrote down carefully a small note for him:

_"For your fever,_" I wrote as fluidly as I could. _"Please drink it, and rest a while. You need to take care of yourself."_

This time, he seemed to know when I approached him, for he turned his head slightly and looked at me from the corner of his eyes. When I set down the cup, he only looked at it for a moment before looking back at me. Hurriedly, I set down my note.

His eyes widened slightly, and he looked back up to me startled. I smiled at him and nodded my head. I turned back around and started to make my way back to my post when his silken voice floated to my ears.

"Thank you..."

I turned to him slightly, and I saw him bring the cup of tea to his lips, blowing on the steaming liquid before taking a drink. I smiled slightly to myself and continued my way back to counter.

As I made my way through the front gate of my house, I paused, then decided to take a walk to the grassy glade. Sitting down and taking off my sandals and socks, I looked up into the starry sky, reveling in the feeling of the cool grass under my feet and the sound the little stream made as water lapped against the rocks. The sky was so beautiful...

I knew it was late and I probably should head back home, but when I glanced back in the direction of it, I wrinkled my nose and plopped myself back, so I was lying down. I sighed, a bit melancholy.

My house used to be beautiful. The wood polished, the floors clean; everything looking new. But then... mother died from a severe epidemic that seemed to spread. And papa... I squeezed my eyes shut painfully. My strong, reliable papa went crazy from her death. He never even seemed to be aware of his two children anymore...

My younger brother, Kyo, who was only six at the time and six years younger than me, from malnutrition also caught the disease. He died only after two weeks of being sick...

When the tears came, I let them, needing to have some kind of release from the pain.

And papa...

He really lost it when Kyo died, but... when he saw that I lived, he had blamed my family's death on me. The next morning, I had found him hanging from a tree limb a little ways from our house.

He had killed himself, without any regard to how his little girl was going to survive on her own.

I had to burry Kyo and papa all by myself...

I cut the tree that he hung himself on the next day, chopping it into little pieces, then burning them.

I didn't want to stay in the house, it was too painful. Even now, five years later and me being seventeen, almost eighteen, I always dreaded coming home. I choked back a sob as I rolled onto my side, my fingers twisting themselves into my hair.

It was then that I had stopped talking. It was my punishment, for making mama die, then Kyo. And even papa, who always seemed invincible; I'm the one that drove him to his suicide.

It was all my fault...

If only I had been stronger, if only papa hadn't gone mad, if only little Kyo was still here...

I got up to my feet shakily, then made my way to their graves. I lay down, curled into a ball beside my mother, wishing she were here with me now. She had always been the strong one to me. She was always there, supporting me when I needed her, holding me against her chest and whispering words that soothed and encouraged me. I remembered everything about her, even though I had tried desperately to forget. Because with my memories, came also her death, it and the events afterwards were memories I did not want to relive. The pain was almost unbearable...

Even when she died, I remember her last words, whispered through cracked, dry lips. "I love you... I love you all so much... please, remember me..."

Papa had then shut us out of the room he was in, and had stayed with her dead body the rest of the night. Kyo and me heard him talking to her the whole time, sometimes so silent we couldn't hear, and other times he was screaming at the top of his lungs that he was forbidding her to leave him. I closed my eyes slowly.

So many memories in that house... most sad than happy. I wondered where I had gotten the strength to come home to it every night...

I was floating on the edge of sleep when I felt warm and gentle arms lift me. I murmured something then, but I didn't know what.

When I felt myself fall into the deep abyss of sleep, I didn't stop myself.

The wind blew fiercely outside, the trees groaning against its force. I looked up into the sky, pushing my long hair out of my eyes. There was no moon... no stars... where was I?

I wrapped my arms around my body tightly, trying hard not to shiver. A growling noise behind me startled me, and I swerved to see what it was. But nothing was there... just darkness. The kind that was so inky you wouldn't be able to see the nose on your face if you were standing in the middle.

Fearfully, I backed away from it. Ever since my childhood... ever since Kyo died and I didn't have anyone to cuddle with at night, I was afraid of the dark. I hated it, because at night was usually when the memories and the nightmares came.

Yellow eyes seemed to materialize in the darkness. Many of them, growling like wolves, spreading all around me. I screamed terrified, then turned and started running away.

"Kaoru..." Kyo's little voice whispered in my ear.

No! Stop it!

"I'm scared. Where are you?"

I stopped running as the scenery changed, and I saw myself and Kyo in his room. He was crying on his futon, and I was standing over him, watching as if in satisfaction.

No!

"You're such a stupid cry baby, Ky. Cry, cry, that's the only thing you're good for!" The twelve-year-old Kaoru sneered.

No! Tears streamed down my cheeks unchecked. This wasn't how it had happened!

Little Kyo's small, sick body shook while little Kaoru stood watching, unfazed. "Kaoru... please hold me?"

Of course little lion, I'll always hold you close...

Kaoru snorted, then turned around in a huff. "Me? Hold a little nuisance like you? Yeah right! Hug your pillow for all I care, but don't ever ask me that again!" She stomped out of the room, slamming the door after her.

Little Kyo was left, crying to himself on the floor . . .

The scene faded again until all around me was nothing but pitch black.

"NO!" It was the first that I've spoken in years, and the word seemed foreign rolling off my tongue. "No! It wasn't like that! I was there for you Kyo! I was there to hold you! Don't cry! Please don't cry!"

"KYO!"

I awoke screaming his name. I heard footsteps pounding as the person ran towards me, possibly a robber. But I didn't care. I instead turned to lay on my side, my back to the door, and started crying in harsh sobs to myself.

That wasn't how it happened, I wasn't that cruel!

I felt someone watching me, felt the awkwardness as he sat me up and held me in his arms. I looked up from his shoulder and found myself staring into amber eyes stricken with worry.

Why, he didn't seem that much older than myself...

My eyes burned with tears once more, and I buried my face in my hands. When I had cried as much as I could, I pulled away from his embrace and sat back on the futon he must have laid out for me. But how did he get here? How did he know where I lived?

He must have seen the questions burning in my eyes before I bowed my head to him in thanks.

"I... followed you home. Some men were making inappropriate gestures to you, and when you left so did they. And I..." He hesitated, and I had the feeling this was the most he spoke in a long time. "I wanted to repay you for the kindness you've shown me. It's more than anybody has ever done since..." He didn't finish his sentence, and I didn't try to press him to continue.

"My name is Himura B... Kenshin. Wont you tell me yours?" I stared into his eyes for a moment before I dropped them to the ground. I didn't know him at all practically, and I felt as though I didn't quite trust him yet. I heard him sigh.

"Then... I guess, if you wouldn't think me impolite, if I could call you Jasmine?" He blushed when I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "It's what you smell like..."

It was my turn to blush as I dropped my gaze to the floor again. I didn't think he could smell my perfume; my one luxury, at all. I preferred the subtle aroma of it other than the extravagant fragrance that fancy women seemed to prefer.

He seemed a bit uncomfortable sitting across from me, and he bowed to me before he stood up. "Well, thank you again, I suppose I'll be going now."

I didn't want him to leave...

I blinked, surprised to find that it was true. His was the first real company I've had ever since... and the only person who stuck around to speak to me. No one else seemed to want to talk to me, saying I was just a stupid mute. Well, there was Kasane, my childhood friend, but after the... 'incident' we haven't really seen each other except at work.

"Where are you going?" My voice was hoarse and I whispered the words as softly as I could. I saw him freeze when I spoke, and he turned slowly around and pierced me with his gaze. He shrugged, the action only a slight movement of his shoulders. "Probably back to the inn I have been staying at since I've finished my... business."

I stayed on my knees and bowed low, my forehead nearly touching the ground. "If it is at all possible, I would like it if you stayed here, as a boarder, and in payment, you can help me repair my house." I knew it sounded very forward and probably extremely impolite, but the words that seemed almost foreign to my tongue tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

I felt him staring at me, his amber eyes flashing in what I felt was probably surprise. I sat up slowly and looked up at him. He started to move his eyes around the room, and when he spoke, it was slow and careful. "I suppose this house does need to be repaired. And if I boarded here, I could help repair it without owing you any dept. Thank you, Miss Jasmine, for your generous offer. I shall get started right away." With a bow, he turned and left.

I stared at the door for a long time, wondering just what I have gotten myself into, before I decided that it was time I started to warm up the bath.


	3. Do You Know What This Means?

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part three: Do You Know What This Means?

...

I held the broom firmly in my hands, and swept the smooth wooden floor with swift, hard strokes, focusing solely on removing every last speck of dirt off the floor.

Clean. Clean. Clean. I had told him I wanted to repair the house, and having it clean was a good way to help.

I frowned slightly at my blurry reflection on the newly polished floor. I didn't want to think of him at the moment.

He was always polite, sometimes a little bit too polite Never said or did anything that would even lead me to suspect anything bad about his character. And to my opinion at the moment, quiet the boring character. Even so, there was something about him that intrigued me. Something that warm and strong that had my eyes following him whenever he was around. And yet . . .

I couldn't help but shiver every time I looked into his eyes. There was something there . . . Something hidden beneath his icy mask and polite behavior. Something I had no knowledge of, but frightened me dearly. I felt guilty for feeling this way, but that reaction was always there. Always with me every time he entered the room for either breakfast or lunch.

I think he knows how I feel, because at every sitting for meals, he's always at tight as a coiled spring, and his expression is extra guarded. I didn't mind so much him not speaking to me during those times, because even if he did, I wouldn't have answered him anyway. I may have spoke what seemed like my first words to him, but I didn't like or know him enough to feel comfortable for conversation.

It wasn't as if I thought him a horrible person . . . it was just I felt . . . like . . .

Like he was trying to hold the water from a raging river without one drop falling over the mental wall he has built up. Like he has a secret that he is determined to keep hidden.

Perhaps that is why I fear him so.

The pain that I glimpsed in his eyes. . . the deluge of tears that had seemed to leak from his soul the first night I dreamt of him. . . or maybe it was just him that I truly feared. But if that were so, I don't think I would have been so willing for him to stay here.

There was regret, in my decision, but I made no move to deliberately tell him that he was no longer wanted in my home. For that would only be a half- truth . . .

Broom in hand, I walk slowly through the long halls listlessly. Suddenly, I didn't feel like cleaning . . .

I considered writing something in my journal, but nothing came to mind. I didn't want to write down my feelings; because I was so confused I knew I wouldn't be able to find any words that could describe them.

Mou . . . didn't I just say I didn't want to think about him? I sighed and made my way outside.

I had the thought to smile, but when I tried, my stiff lips didn't even twitch. I sighed.

Happiness came very rare these days, and the thought that I couldn't didn't bother me at all at the moment. A tiny bird flies into my sight, and I watch as it balances itself on a tree branch, and sing, uncaring to who might be listening.

"Kaoru . . ."

I close my eyes tightly when I heard the sweetest voice I'd never forget, whisper sweetly in my mind.

"Isn't that a pretty bird? I wish I could be one . . . I'd fly all day . . ."

I turn my head to the side, as if I could turn away from the memory the tiny bird had me reliving. "If I was a bird . . . I could fly all day . . . away from all this . . . pain."

I stare blankly into the sky, letting the final memory of his sweet voice filter through my soul. "Kaoru? Why are you crying?"

The gate squeaked open, and I forced the memory back into the hidden recesses of my mind as I looked to see who it was.

It was Kenshin, and, if possible, his face is even more chilling than usual. His eyes are hard and flat. His jaw is set tight. His movements stiff. In his hand he clutched a black envelope, and I wondered what it was for.

He looked up at me, his face as still as granite, and I wondered what was going on in his head that made him stare at me for so long.

He looked away, and it almost seemed as if he was relieved.

He walked past me and into the house without another glance. I stared at the door for a while, then did the only thing that came to mind.

I swept.

I awoke to the sounds of water sloshing around in a bucket. Curious, I pulled back the blanket and stood, tightening the sash of my yukata. Who could be making those sounds? Was it Kenshin?

I slid open my bedroom door and made my way towards the noise. The sound was coming from the outside in the bathhouse. Is it Kenshin? If so, why is he taking a bath so late?

I carefully made my way towards the bathhouse doors. Something inside me urged to open the door, despite the fact that he may be undressed, and before I knew what I was doing I had already reached out and was pulling the doors open.

He is standing there, his hands plunged up to his wrists in a bucket of water.

Washing his hands. He doesn't even acknowledge my presence at all.

What on earth was he doing . . .?

Washing, washing. Washing at the imaginary substance he seems to think is stained there.

How long has he been at this before I finally heard him? I can see that he has already emptied two buckets, but the water before him is clear, yet still he scrubs at his hands . . .

Why?

What was he doing?

"Kenshin . . ." My voice came out in its usual whisper of sound. He stopped, and again I found myself amazed that he had actually heard my voice. "You're wasting water . . ."

Why did I say such a stupid thing? He was obviously going through some emotional turmoil, and I clearly wasn't helping matters. He turned towards me slowly, and it was then I noticed the blood staining the front of his gi. My eyes widen. He was injured? How? And why didn't he tend to his wound instead of washing his hands?

Without thinking I rush forward and part his gi to inspect what must have been a deep cut from all the still wet blood.

My hands froze.

There was no wound on his body. Not even the slightest scratch. That could only mean . . .

The blood staining his clothes wasn't his.

I stared, my eyes still wide, up into his face, my fingers still on the spot I had thought his injury was. I was so close . . . and yet . . .

Why wasn't he saying anything?

I slowly retracted my hand and stared at where the other mans blood had brushed against it; it's a color a bright red compared to my porcelain skin.

He grasped both of my hands in his, and I look up at him in surprise. His lids were hooded as they stared at my hands. "This . . . this is what I see everyday."

My whispered breath seemed to scratch at my throat, its sound hollow. "Why?"

"Because . . . I am . . ." His voice faltered, and I knew I wasn't going to like what he said.

He looked up then, straight into my eyes, and spoke in a soft, but steady voice.

"Battousai."

I never considered myself a gentle woman, but when I heard his answer, I fainted dead away into his arms.

I am moving through my daily chores like a mindless wraith. My head was foggy and pounded as if I had drank many bottles of sake the night before. My movements are slow and sluggish, and I had more than once caught myself staring into space.

I shake my head as I head out to the porch.

I see Kenshin standing in the middle of the yard. His back is to me, and his posture is stiff. I look behind to see the back of a tall, but almost droopy man walking away. I look back at him just as he pivots on his heel and faces me. In his hand clutched another black envelope.

Its meaning was clear to me now, and I stared at the paper with dread.

Another name. Another man he is ordered to kill.

So soon . . . so soon . . . why?

I tear my gaze away and look back at him, and I wonder. Would I still have let him stay with me, even knowing who he was?

I closed my eyes when no answer came readily available.

That alone was disturbing enough to shake me to the core.

I opened my eyes, only to stare at the ground. "Why? Why do you . . . kill? Why must you kill?"

He doesn't answer, and I looked back to the tree the little bird seemed to favor, and watched as it skittered around the branches. Ano . . . the trees are already becoming bare.

I watched in muted interest as he sat on the porch a few yards away from me. I forced myself not to stiffen. I watched impassively as he started to speak, myself not bothering to sit down.

"Freedom and individuality . . . Can you even imagine what that would be like?" His voice was soft and flowing, and in it held such a note of what seemed like wistfulness.

I have wondered, but I did not say this.

"All this . . . all this is for the future. The future that holds more than a flicker of hope. We all fight so hard . . . but many others . . . don't crave the peace we do. The freedom we do. Do you . . . can you even begin to understand what we, the Ishin Shishi, are trying to accomplish? We all work hard to create this change, only . . . not all of us realized how much we had to sacrifice to achieve this ideal." He hadn't looked at me throughout his speech; instead he was staring down at his open hands.

"Did you?" For once, my voice was normal, not the whispering words I seldomly spoke.

He was silent for a moment before he answered. "No. But it no longer matters." He shook his head. "But . . . you understand, don't you? Why this must be so?"

I . . . don't know.

I did not answer him.


	4. Guidance

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part four: Guidance

...

I sighed as I folded the last bit of Kenshin's laundry and set it in a basket.

That morning I went into town and had witnessed the charred remains of a lovely little inn. I hurried back home though, because I also smelt the lingering smell of charred flesh. I wondered what had happened. Maybe they left the oven burning over night and it caught something on fire. I shuddered, glad that I didn't live in town to witness such a horrible spectacle.

I shook my head and tried to focus on more lighter matters; anything would be better than thinking about how someone's house burn down and burning alive its occupants.

Oddly enough, Kenshin's image rose in my mind, and my thoughts started to drift back once more; a habit that I seemed to have developed as of late.

Ever since that day . . . the day Kenshin tried to explain to me why he does what he does . . . I haven't talked or seen him since. The only way I know he actually comes home is when I hear him getting ready for bed.

I wondered if he made noise on purpose, because he knows that I lay awake at night waiting for him. Because when he wants to be quiet, only the dead make more noise.

I didn't know why, exactly, I waited at night when I could be catching precious hours of sleep. But . . . it was like a build up of some emotion, worry, or anticipation or something to the like, but it always kept me awake . . . waiting for him . . .

I didn't like feeling this way. I didn't want the confusing feelings that seemed to clog my mind, which made do things that I never would have done before. Like daydream while my hands are pruning in a bucket of soapy spuds while I wash clothes, or sigh at just a glimpse of him working on different areas of the house . . . or just watching him . . . his gratefulness . . . his . . . kindness.

Mou . . . I shouldn't start to think about him if I'm going to do chores. I don't want to come out shriveled.

The suns rays were finally starting to fade, and I was thankful I got the line of clothes off before night came.

I sighed once more as I made my way inside the house. Life, at the moment, was very dull. Nothing interesting happened, and when something did, it involved someone else. I wished, for one crazy moment that it was me that something happened to. I wanted excitement in my life, or at least a little fun. And I didn't classify Kenshin living with me in either of those categories.

I shook my head once as I stood. There wasn't any reason that something interesting would happen to me. I've stayed away from the eye of others too long for anybody to actually take an interest in anything I do. Besides, they only think I'm stupid and can't talk because of it.

I headed towards Kenshin's room, opening the shoji without bothering to announce myself. He was never inside his room during daylight hours, so I never had to worry about it.

My eyes widened when Kenshin was, actually, in his room, but was dismayed by what I what I saw.

He was sitting in one of the far corners of the room, both of his hands covering the sides of his face above his ears, and was rocking back and forth, almost like a child. I wanted to rush over to him. I wanted to hold him close like the youth he seemed at the moment. But I couldn't. My feet were frozen to the floor, and I was afraid.

His eyes were like molten pools of hot steel, and burning with the same intensity. They were feral and wild; like a crazed caged animal that was nearly bursting with the effort to reign free. And because of that fright, that fear as I stared into his eyes, made me unable to take another step forward.

The laundry basket slipped through my nerveless fingers, making a hollow noise as it fell to the ground. Kenshin swerved at the noise, hands still in place on his head, and I took an involuntary step backwards.

"Get out." He growled, his voice sounding as animalistic as his eyes looked. And I felt a cold shiver race down my spine.

When he saw me backing away from him in fright, something akin to pain flashed inside his golden eyes, a pain that I recognized from my dream, and I suddenly didn't want to leave him.

I took a thoughtless step towards him.

"Get out!" His eyes looked panicked for a moment, but I ignored him as I took another step. Foolish, yes, but I've been called that too many times to care.

I guess he realized that I wasn't leaving by him yelling at me, and he jumped to his feet and marched with, I'm sure, the intention to push me out of his room.

But it never happened.

As his arm lashed out at my shoulder to push me back, he instead grabbed the fabric of my kimono and yanked me into his arms.

With wide eyes, I stood stiffly inside the circle of his arms as he crushed me to his chest, his face burrowing inside the fall of my hair that had been tied into a loose ponytail and draped over my shoulder. I was more frightened at that moment than any in my life, but . . . I couldn't pull away. I somehow knew that if I started struggling, he'd let me go immediately.

And yet . . .

He was shaking, and I widened my eyes in shock. What the . . .

I felt something wet on my neck, where his face was currently buried in. Wet like a drop of rain . . . yet warm . . . like a tear?

I gasped as realized he was crying. What was wrong with him? What had caused this strong man to cry?

His arms tightened, and we both sunk to the floor when his legs couldn't seem to support him anymore.

"Kenshin . . .? What's wrong? Will you tell me?" I wanted my voice to be strong and soothing, but it came out through a voice not used to talking; a voice barely above a whisper. But, like always, he heard me. And I knew he heard the fear threaded through my soft murmur.

"There . . . there was a fire today . . ." He started out, his voice no longer wild, but soft and flowing. I waited for him to continue, my arms still stiff at my sides.

"A family I knew was involved. And they died," he hesitated, and when he continued, it sounded like it was forced, and I detected a note of pain in his voice. "Because of me."

"But why? How was it your fault?" My eyes widened as a thought hit me. Was it the charred remains of the quaint little inn I saw? Was . . . was he the cause of the fire?

"No, Miss Jasmine, I didn't start the fire." He could have pulled away from me, but he didn't, instead he just loosed his grip around me. His voice was almost . . . resigned. "Before you invited me here, I was staying at her inn . . ."

Questions burned on my tongue, but I kept my mouth shut, knowing that I had no right to ask them.

"Her name was Asane, and she had a child named Ichiro, Firstborn Son, and a small daughter named Shinobu, Endurance. They used to always want to play with me . . . When people heard that I was lodging there . . ." He trailed off.

Gathering up my courage, I brought my arms up and cautiously placed them around his shoulders, then gave him a slight squeeze in an effort to encourage him to continue.

It wasn't good keeping things bottled up inside, something I new very well.

"They claimed the fire must have been an accident. But how can a fire that started at every exit be an accident?" He took in a shuddering breath, and took his face from my neck to rest his forehead on my shoulder. It was a very intimate embrace, and I felt no guilt in taking pleasure from it. After all, he came to me.

But I still held myself stiffly. This embrace was too intimate for me. I barely knew him, only that he was a hired killer and he was a . . . a gentleman. And yet . . .

I found that I didn't want to pull away, despite all my misgivings.

"It all started with me staying there. But I hadn't been there for at least a month; they had no right to do what they did! All had started with a mere rumor of my presence." He was quiet for a while, relaxed in my embrace. Slowly, however, as if he was reluctant to leave, he pulled away from me, and his arms came down to grasp at my hands. "I must leave this place."

Anger bubbled up inside of me swiftly, and despite the warning exploding in my head, I opened my mouth and I lashed out with words I had never dreamt on speaking, especially to him.

"No you're not. I don't speak to anybody but you! Do you know what that means? I'm not comfortable with anyone, only you!" My words were foolish, but I couldn't take them back. What I just said contradicted what I was feeling. I told him I was comfortable with him, but I knew he felt the fear that I held of him, and heard it in my voice.

"Kenshin," I started slowly. "You cannot leave yet."

His eyes had snapped up to mine in surprise while I was talking, but he didn't say a word.

I swallowed hard and continued to speak the hardest words I've ever said aloud, unknowingly sealing my fate forever. "My house still needs to be repaired, and I know I cannot do it by myself."

He stared at me for such a long time, searching my eyes for what, I did not know. But prayed with all my might that he caught the hidden subtleness-the hidden meaning behind my words. But also praying that he hadn't.

'I don't want you to leave . . . not yet . . .'

Not until I've organized my confusing thoughts, trying to put a name to the emotions I was too scared to recognize. Only then, I think, would I have the strength to be able to say goodbye.

He brought both of my hands up and kissed the palm of each. Then brought them to his chest and bowed his head over them. I knew I was as red as a rose, but I couldn't bring myself to pull away from the intimate gesture.

We didn't say anything else for a long time.

I was avoiding him.

He probably knew I was, but at the moment I didn't care.

The other night was too intimate for me; too close for me to feel comfortable around him. I don't think he minded much either, because every time he saw me he would revert his gaze and literally disappear from my sight. This went on for a couple of days, and I felt guilty with the knowledge that I was glad.

I didn't want to be too close to anybody. Being close to somebody left you open to pain, and I've had enough of that to last me for quite some time. What he did the other night . . . his embrace-my embrace-it left me too open to develop any real feelings towards my murderer of a boarder.

And my . . . friend.

It was true I wasn't comfortable around him, but over the weeks that he stayed here with me I've . . . I think I've come to like him. At least a little bit.

I wondered if he was hurt at my sudden withdrawal. I knew it couldn't have been because I wasn't speaking to him; because I didn't anyway. I sighed. It was no use thinking about it, because other than the night before, he never shared his thoughts with me. And I had the feeling he wouldn't again for awhile.

I didn't want to think about him. Whenever I did I thought too much, and when I thought too much, the million emotions I didn't want to feel rose to the surface of my heart and I nearly wanted to cry at the desperation I felt.

I wanted my mother.

I knew in my heart that only she would understand the emotions, so I gathered up my shawl, and headed out to visit her.

I took with my only a dried sprig of jasmine to place upon her grave. When I reached my destination, I felt unwelcome tears rise in my eyes. "Mother . . ."

The wind blew around me with its gentle caress, softly blowing the loose strands of my hair against my face, and I felt comforted. I closed my eyes as I sat to the side of her grave, my fingers brushing tenderly against the cold, faded lettering of her gravestone.

Mama . . . I'm so confused. What's happening to me? I feel the cold,  
lonely ache of sadness with me, deep in my heart. But it's really  
nothing new. So why does it hurt even more when He's not around? He  
probably knows what I'm feeling, and that's the reason he's avoiding  
me. Ano . . . wait, I'm the one avoiding him, aren't I?

I'm scared. I'm scared to have him around, but I'm scared to see him  
leave.

I . . . I think I'm starting to like him, mama . . .

And I knew that I was a coward for wanting to run.

I sighed wearily. For a minute, I swear I hear my bones creak as I stand. Ano . . . I'm not that old. I frown as I shake my head. Today was the day I needed to go to the market, and I was wasting time.

When I reached my house, I quickly grabbed a basket and headed towards the city. It was always busy during the afternoon, so the mornings were the best time to pick out everything before it became a little too crowded for comfort.

I walk down the street, browsing the many shops with a mask of disinterest on my face. Like the saying goes, if you show an inch of interest, they shall surely take a mile and almost jump on you with the intent of squeezing every bit of money you had, while smiling the whole time.

I stopped at one stand that was selling rare fruits that were no longer growing with cooler temperatures caused by the oncoming of Lady Frost. I sighed. I hated winter almost as much as I hated mornings, not holding favor in either cases.

"These fruits come all the way from the foreign lands! The Americas! Do you know how rare these precious fruits are?" The sales person practically crooned the words to a tall handsome man that was inspecting some grapefruit with a critical eye, his dark glasses hiding the expression in them.

I gave an unlady like snort, an act way out of character for me, but I quickly covered it with a cough as the sales person turned a scathing glare in my direction. They looked like regular grapefruit to me. Sure they usually don't grow in winter, but with the long voyage across the ocean, I doubted they were good despite their ripe look to them. You never knew what kind of diseases could creep inside something while being stored away in a musty ship for who knows how long.

The handsome man turned towards me, an amused smile playing across his sinuous lips. His strange, white hair falling across his forehead in a hazardous manner. His dark glasses slid down his nose just enough to revel the startling color of . . . the sea. They looked blue, but also held a tint of green to them. He was no doubt a handsome man, but I kept the appreciation out of my eyes, my social mask firmly cemented on my face. Oddly enough, the image of Kenshin rose in my mind, and I found myself favoring that instead of the man before me. I ruthlessly pushed the thought and image away, as I turned and started to walk away.

If I bought anything from that stand, surely the person would over charge me from my rude snort.

"Hey, wait a minute." A deep voice called from behind me. I turned in muted surprise as the handsome stranger walked up to me. I shook my head with an amused smile as I continued walking, the stranger along side me.

"Name's Enishi Yukishiro. And you are . . .?" He stuck his hands in his pockets as he waited for my answer.

I pretended to be blissfully unaware that he spoke at all as I stopped to buy some tofu. When Enishi asked again what my name was, I smiled again as I peaked a glance at him from the corner of my eye. He was looking at me expectantly with a raised eyebrow.

When I handed over the correct amount of money for the tofu, the sales person sitting in an uncomfortable chair snorted derisively. "I wouldn't try speaking to her. She's empty in the brains department, and cant speak or possibly understand what you're saying."

Only tightening of my lips gave way to my very clear understanding of his words, and despite me not taking any steps to change my reputation, sometimes it really ticked me off.

Unfortunately for me, the stranger saw it before I turned away.

Without a word he grabbed my basket and started to walk beside me again. I frowned. If he turned out to be the domineering type, I didn't want anything to do with him. He saw my expression and laughed, and I found that it was a very nice sound. I wondered what Kenshin's laugh sounded like . . .

"You needn't look so petulant, pouting doesn't suit you." His grin widened even more at the irked expression I threw at him.

"I am a gentleman, you know. And letting you carry this heavy burden would not be very polite, now would it." I through him another glare over my shoulder as I grab my basket after paying for some salt and other supplies and hurry in the direction home.

He with his long legs of course catches up to me swiftly, his irritating grin still in place. His orange pants with a dark blue stripe running down the sides make soft swishing noises as he walked, and I was glad I didn't pay attention to his almost indecent black shirt that seemed to be a second skin to him. It was then that I noticed the heavy metal arm guards and the long sword at his side. Funny, but it reminded me how I never noticed Kenshin's swords until he was living with me for a couple of days. Hmph. So much for my observation skills.

As I step through my front gate, I gave a disgruntled look at him when he politely stayed outside, whistling a tune while looking innocently at the sky. My look turned derisive and I rolled my eyes. He was practically screaming for an invitation. He reminded me of Sanosuke, a dear friend of mine that I had met a long time ago, but had moved to Tokyo a few years back. Only this stranger held an even more disturbing quality. A quality that reminded me of Kenshin.

I realized belatedly why Kenshin's image kept appearing in my mind, but now I understood. This man held a dangerous air about him, one that practically reeked of . . . something I didn't know what to name, but it instantly put me on awares. Well, it would be rude if I just ignored him and walked inside without inviting him in, but I didn't want to be alone in an empty house with him.

I hesitated shutting the gate with my back still towards him, and I searched the yard for Kenshin. I nearly sighed aloud in relief. Relief that he was here and I would finally be able to see him; my trip to my mother making me realize that nothing will change if I keep avoiding him-and that I no longer wanted to avoid him. And Relief that I wouldn't have to be rude to the stran . . . Enishi-no, stranger, because I still did not know him.

My eyes seeked out Kenshin's, and when our gazes clashed, I almost felt the sparks I had been ignoring. I looked pleadingly at him, and he started towards me with the barest hint of question and concern in his cold amber eyes. I smiled slightly at him, then turned towards my guest.

When Enishi walked though the gates and met the eyes of Kenshin, all hell seemed to break loose.


	5. Tension

Standard disclaimer applies.

A huge thank you goes out to Fanfiction Wanderer, who helped me write this action scene.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part Five: Tension

...

I watched in shock as Enishi froze and stared coldly into Kenshin's burning amber eyes. Kenshin had frozen as well, and tension was rolling off him in waves.

Enishi stared a bitter moment longer. Rage boiled in his scream as he lunged forward with his sword. I gasped before a cry escaped my lips. "Kenshin!"

Kenshin's eyes widened for only a split second before he unsheathed his katana and blocked the fierce attack.

The wind seemed to enhance the ferocity of the battle as it whipped across both fighter's figures.

I trembled in fear as I watched in horrified silence.

Blind hatred could be seen in the cold depths of the white haired man, as he sidestepped and slashed horizontally at Kenshin. Kenshin quickly composed himself, it seemed, as he narrowed his own eyes in determination and deflected the blow with his katana.

I watched in horror at what was taking place in my front yard, fear choking the words that I wanted to cry out, making me unable to do anything but watch.

The seemingly nice man that had taken my basket and escorted me home, was now transformed into some sort of wild animal, his eyes reminding me of Kenshin just a few nights ago. Only Enishi's eyes didn't hold the fear Kenshin's had. He was blinded by hatred and impulsive rage, though behind it, I felt there was hidden sorrow and depression.

"Stop!" I wanted to scream, but my voice was still paralyzed. "Why are you fighting? Stop it!" But still, my gaping mouth stayed quiet.

Enishi caught Kenshin's sheath, as he was attempting sóryúsen with the smaller man's head.

"No . . ." The whispered word barely escaped my lips before I moved without even thinking. "I don't want you to die!"

Without thought of my own safety, I felt myself start to run. Running to Kenshin. And then I threw myself into his arms, sobs bursting through my once paralyzed throat. I can't bear any more death!

I looked pleadingly into Enishi's eyes, begging him not to kill Kenshin. Kenshin was . . . he was too special to me to disappear! Despite my whispered thoughts, the sword kept its steady path towards me. Towards Kenshin. A strangled cry escaped my lips, and I closed my eyes and waited for the final blow, but only heard the sharp clang of metal on metal.

Kenshin's sóryúsen had been reversed, using his sheath first and then his blade. Holding the hilt firmly in his hand, the blade forbidding Enishi's own sword from even touching one hair on my head. Kenshin glared unflinchingly at Enishi.

My head was buried in Kenshin's chest and my hands were bunched up into fists in his gi. I slowly looked up and over my shoulder to the white haired man, feeling protected by the arm Kenshin held fast around my shoulders. I knew for a certainty that he would not let anything happen to me.

Enishi's eyes no longer held that blind hatred. Instead the bluish green orbs widened in horror for what he was about to do; about to do to me. His gaze held self-loathing as realization for what he almost did seemed to replayed in his mind, and I felt a moments sorrow for him.

He slowly backed away, dragging his sword off and away from Kenshin's katana; away from my head.

Kenshin, deeming that Enishi was no longer a threat to either of us, lowered the weapon in his hand. "Are you okay, Miss Jasmine?"

I nodded mutely, then buried my head back into his chest as sobs started to rack my form. I couldn't help it. I was terrified that Kenshin could have died, and no matter who he was, I didn't want him to die and leave me alone once again.

"I . . ." I heard Enishi's deep voice faintly behind me, and Kenshin stiffened, his arm tightening around me. "I'm sorry . . ."

I lifted my head and looked back at him once more, and was surprised to a hooded sadness glaze over his beautiful eyes.

"Battousai, did that remind you of anything . . .?" His voice was soft, but held an aching sadness that made my heart clench. But he didn't look at Kenshin when he spoke. No, his sad, tender eyes were on me.

Kenshin didn't say anything, and, if possible, his body seemed to tense up even more. I looked up at him in confusion, and was surprised to see raw and unhindered pain in his eyes before he squeezed them shut.

Enishi continued to stare tenderly at me. "He called you Jasmine, correct?" At my nod he continued. "Would you find it improper of me to ask if I may continue to visit you?"

My eyes widened. A minute ago I wouldn't have minded his company, but the image of his blinding hatred as he attacked Kenshin floated back to my mind. "Only if Kenshin is with me." My voice was hoarse from my sobs, but I knew he heard me.

Enishi nodded once before swinging his sword over his shoulder and marching out the gate.

Kenshin's sword and sheath clattered to the ground, and I felt myself being crushed once again into Kenshin's chest. "Don't . . ." His voice was whispered and laced with a pain I didn't understand. "Don't ever do that again."

I stayed silent. And I knew, without a doubt, that if the situation would happen again and again, I would react the same way, over and over. "Kenshin?"

He heard the question in my voice, and I felt him hesitate.

Would he tell me? Would he tell a girl who wouldn't even give him her real name?

He pulled away from me, but his hand came up to cup my elbow, as if reluctant to relinquish contact. He led me inside the house where we both settled comfortably on mats.

There was a long silence before he started speaking.

"Enishi was . . . my . . . brother in law." His voice was low and he kept his eyes downcast.

My eyes widened in shock. Kenshin was married?

"He blames me for his sisters death, and that is why he hates me."

My eyes were sad as I brought my free hand up to cup his cheek. "Kenshin . . ."

I didn't know what to say.

He smiled at me, one of the first I've ever seen grace his lips, and I felt myself giving him a small smile in return.

"It's alright, Miss Jasmine." He hesitated only a moment before he continued, looking the most uncertain than I've ever seen him. He pulled my hand from his cheek and held it tightly in his own. "I . . . I have someone else with me now . . . Someone else to care about."

My smile was tremulous as I felt a fresh batch of tears start rolling down my cheeks. "Yes, Kenshin, you do."

Enishi, true to his word, came and visited me often, and only when Kenshin was around. He never spoke to him, never even glanced in his direction, but I didn't mind too much.

I wondered what had happened in the past that made Enishi hate Kenshin so much. Kenshin had said Enishi blamed him for his sister's death, but he didn't give me a reason, and I didn't know Enishi well enough to feel free to pry. After all, it wasn't any of my business.

But the feeling was there, lodged deep within my heart; the burning need to know everything. The desire to understand.

Enishi was visiting me today, too, when he suddenly brought up the subject of Kenshin.

"He killed her. Did he tell you that?" He was staring at the sky when he spoke, his tone so low and casual I almost missed what he said entirely, as I was focusing on my sewing.

My head snapped up and stared at him, but he continued to look up in the sky. "What did you say?" I gasped. No way would Kenshin kill his own wife!

A small smirk spread across his face, and he finally turned towards me. "I figured he'd take the cowards way out and not tell you everything. So what did he tell you?"

I looked down at my embroidery; the gift I was going to give to Kenshin. "All he said was that you blamed him for her death."

He leaned back against the porch post and snorted, then brought his hands up behind his head. "At least he didn't lie to you."

"Will . . . will you tell me?" I asked hesitantly. I reminded myself to ask Kenshin later on, for Enishi was obviously not over his sister's death, and may exaggerate the story.

"Sure. But I'm only going to give you the short version." Curbing my impatience at his stalling, I waited for him to continue. "I was returning from a . . . trip to visit my sister, only to find out she'd been kidnapped. I arrived just in time to see him slash Tomoe in the back. That bastard murdered her." He growled out the last words and I looked down so he wouldn't be able to see the fear in my eyes.

"You only saw half the battle though. It could have been an accident." I whispered the words softly, but I didn't look up to his smirk when he heard the uncertainty in my voice.

He leaned over close to me. "You don't the extent of the Hitokiri Battousai's power. Nothing," He emphasized in a growl. "Nothing that man does is an accident."

I shivered, but tried to hide it by busying myself in my embroidery. I wanted the conversation to end, but Enishi continued despite my obvious discomfort.

"Not even I am as strong as he is. But," The grin on his face was odd, and there was a strange look in his eyes. "I will get my revenge. I will take the most precious thing away from him, just like he did to me." His grin turned lopsided. "Well, maybe not the exact way."

The man was mad, I thought to myself. Kenshin didn't have anything special to him. I frowned. Well, except his swords. I sighed. I had tried to touch them one time and he drew them away so fast for a moment I thought they hadn't been there at all.

I voiced my confusing thoughts to Enishi. "But . . . he doesn't have anything special to him. What could you possibly take away from him?"

He eyed me for a moment before the charming grin he had given me the first day I met him appeared on his lips, and he sat back once again to stare up at the sky. "Oh, he has something special alright. And I'm going to take it from him before he realizes he had it in the first place."

He left me shortly afterwards, musing over what he had said.

But still, even with all the new information Enishi gave me, I knew in my heart that whatever had happened, Kenshin did not murder his wife.

But still. Despite what my heart was telling me, there was a niggling little voice at the back of my head that told me I could be wrong.


	6. Emotion

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part Six: Emotion

...

_"He killed her. Did he tell you that?"_

I sighed as I placed a customers order on the table. It was busy tonight, and I was glad my shift was almost over. I glanced over to the table that Kenshin used to sit in, but now every night was occupied by a strange, white haired man that frightened me unlike any other.

_"I figured he'd take the cowards way out and not tell you everything. So what did he tell you?"_

He always seemed to watch me, and even though I was brave enough to approach Kenshin, I refused to go near this man. His eyes were dark and crazed. And the way he watched me while drinking sake unnerved me. There were rumors going on about a crazed murderer in the district, and looked like he could fit the part.

_"At least he didn't lie to you."_

I went in the back to rest my aching feet, squeezing my eyes shut against the memory of Enishi's words that wouldn't let me forget.

I didn't want to see Kenshin as the type of man that would murder his own wife. I knew that Kenshin couldn't have been and possibly still was that type of person.

_"I was returning from a . . . trip to visit my sister, only to find out she'd been kidnapped."_

I thought of Kenshin. His surprise at a stranger showing concern for him. The haunted look he would get in his eyes whenever he was left by himself. The way he smiled at me for the first time, and told me he cared.

_"I . . . followed you home. Some men were making inappropriate gestures to you, and when you left so did they. And I . . ."_

His sad eyes when he was washing his hands, trying to wash away the blood that only he could see . . .

_"I wanted to repay you for the kindness you've shown me. It's more than anybody has ever done since . . ."_

He was kind to me. He talked to me like a person, and treated me better than anyone else ever had. He must have heard the horrible things the people said about me, about me being stupid. But he never once treated me like I wouldn't understand. When I asked for the truth he gave it to me. And when I needed comfort he was there.

_"That bastard murdered her."_

He was not the type of man that would marry a woman he didn't love, and he definitely wasn't the type to kill that most cherished person. I remembered the way his eyes glazed over in pain when Enishi mentioned her.

No, I thought with a small shake of my head. No matter who Kenshin is, a man like him could never intentionally kill the woman who chose to love him despite him being a killer.

_"You don't know the extent of the Hitokiri Battousai's power. Nothing . . . nothing that man does is an accident."_

I pulled my shawl over my shoulders, and made my way out the back doors.

_"I . . . I have someone else with me now . . . Someone else to care about."_

_"Yes, Kenshin, you do."_

I closed the doors behind me, walking into the cold night with worry in my heart.

"Jasmine, my dear, I have a gift for you." Enishi announced as he dropped a wrapped package onto my lap.

I blinked and hurriedly drew away my needle, the package almost making me mess up my needlework. "For me?" I looked up at him with a frown. "Whatever for?"

Enishi rolled his eyes and gave me a charming grin. "For the winter festival, of course. It started early in the morning and it's nearly noon, so we have all day to enjoy it."

A small smile quirked at my lips, and I raised an eyebrow at him. "What makes you so sure I'm going to go with you?"

He grinned. "Aw, you know you want to."

I turned my eyes to a stiff Kenshin folding the laundry with jerky movements. He always seemed too tense whenever Enishi came over. "Kenshin? Would like to accompany me?"

I ignored Enishi's muffled groan. Kenshin looked at me surprised. Did he think I didn't want him to come? When he was relaxed, he was actually very good company. His eyes turned cold and he darted a look at Enishi, then he took a step towards me and graced me with one of his rare smiles. "I would love to Miss Jasmine."

A warm feeling bubbled up inside me, and I smiled at him despite the feeling of confusion the warmth brought along with it.

I turned my attention to Enishi's gift and carefully opened it. When the wrapping was drawn away, my breath caught. It was a kimono-the most beautiful kimono that I ever remembered. It was a bright silk red, with golden flowers etched into the fabric, and a black silk obi with gold and dark green stitching. The hair combs that lay on top were a beautiful pale ivory, and the beauty of the whole gift left me breathless. I stared up at Enishi. "I can't accept this! It's way too expensive!"

Enishi shrugged. "I can afford it. Besides, it's rude to refuse a gift! Now go change so we can go!"

It took awhile, but finally I was ready to go. The new kimono felt wonderful against my skin, and I had put my hair half up and half down with the hair combs holding my hair up. Looking into my cracked mirror, for once in my life, I felt beautiful.

When I opened up the shoji leading outside, both Kenshin and Enishi stopped what they were doing and stared. Flustered, I looked down and folded my hands in my lap. Kenshin was the first to speak. "Miss Jasmine, you look very lovely." He gave me another one of his smiles, and that strange feeling came back.

Enishi had changed into a pair of white pants with wide blue stripes running down the back, and a white shirt. He looked handsome in his new outfit, but, like always, my eyes strayed to Kenshin.

He hadn't changed, for I knew, like me, he only owned one set of clothing. But he had cleaned up wonderfully, his glorious mane of red silk tied tight high on his head, and I swore I saw a few specks of lavender mixed with his warm amber eyes, and I found myself giving him a quiet, soft smile . . .

Enishi snorted. "Lovely? She looks gorgeous! Shall we go?" He held out his arm for me to take, but I smiled again and kept my hands folded in front of me as I walked past and out the front gate.

The festival was lovely. There were some people dancing down the street, and music and singing could be heard over the loud hum of the crowd. I enjoyed the festivities, and was glad when the night quickly approached.

We had prayed, or I should say I had prayed, for good luck in the coming winter, and afterwards we went to a restaurant and had some delicious oden.

Dancing was everywhere, and I could tell that Enishi was getting quite drunk. Kenshin had disappeared right after dinner somewhere, so when I declined from dancing with Enishi, I went to search for him.

I didn't know exactly where he was, but I new it was somewhere quiet, away from all the noise of the crowd.

I found him standing in the middle of a bridge crossing the river, staring down at the reflection of the stars. I stopped, and I couldn't help but stare. He looked so handsome standing there: leaning up against the rails, his hair blowing in the wind, and his haunted eyes sad and thoughtful all at once. I walked quietly towards him, my hand running against the rail.

I didn't say anything to him when I reached his side, only stared down at the crescent moon's watery reflection. Only the tell tale sound of distant music could be heard, and with the fireflies glowing around us, the scenery was almost ethereal.

I smoothed my hands down the front of my new kimono, again marveling at its beauty. I let out a soft laugh. "I feel so delicate and pretty in this new kimono. Enishi really didn't have to buy this for me."

"You don't have to dress nice to be beautiful, Miss Jasmine, you are anyways." Kenshin said in a soft voice, turning his head to face me for the first time. I stared back at him, almost in wonder, and gave him another soft smile. "Thank you, Kenshin. It makes me feel special, knowing you think that." And it did.

I turned back to the rivers reflection. "I never really celebrated any sort of holiday after . . . after my family died. I didn't think I deserved to."

"Why?" I smiled when I heard the uncertainty in his voice; as if he didn't think he should ask that.

"My mother died of cholera, and shortly after, my brother caught the disease too." Tears burned in my eyes as I remembered once again what happened. "Papa went mad shortly after little Kyo's death, and he blamed it on me. He hung himself the very night Kyo died. I had to bury them by myself because I couldn't afford to-to have them cremated . . ." My voice was thick with sorrow, but I didn't allow myself to cry.

"Do you know how hard it is . . . to bury your own family?" I took a deep breath, not really knowing why I was telling him all of this. Nobody had known before, and he would be the first. "I've always believed that it was my fault that they died. If maybe I had taken care of Kyo better, if only he had lived papa wouldn't have gone mad, and we'd still be a family . . ."

Kenshin's warm hands suddenly closed over mine, and he pulled them off the railing and gripped them firmly. "It wasn't your fault, Miss Jasmine. They died because it was their time. Sometimes . . ." He hesitated. "Sometimes things happen that you have no control over, and the best thing you can do is to grow stronger and move on."

I smiled at him and curled my fingers in his hands. "I know, Kenshin. As I've grown older, I've come to accept what happened. Though sometimes, the nightmares . . ." I sighed, and he slowly let go of my hands and faced the river. "Sometimes the nightmares wont let me think otherwise."

Kenshin nodded. "I know the feeling."

We both stood in silence, listening to the sound of the river. And for the first time I could recall, I felt truly happy.

The same warm feeling from earlier bubbled up inside me, heating me to the core. Realization swept through me when I realized what it was, but along with that understanding, a new raw emotion swept through me.

I didn't want to feel this way, I didn't want to open my heart to pain. I knew that Kenshin would someday leave, and I probably would never get a chance to tell him how much his company had meant to me. How much he meant to me.

I've always been alone.

Ever since the incident I stayed away from people. And though it was lonely, I survived and was able to continue living in my house.

But despite all my misgivings- despite me telling myself over and over again how wrong these emotions were, those two, singular feelings bubbled up inside me, nearly overflowing my heart with pure, unadulterated sensation.

But despite the warmth heating my core, another, more uncertain emotion rose just as quickly.

And that emotion was called fear.

And what had caused that fear, was the emotion called love


	7. My name is

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part 7: My name is . . .

...

I watched you from under my bangs silently, like I've been doing for the past few days.

On the outside, you seem like such a simple kind of man. In the afternoon, when you're not conducting some type of activity and you are actually home, to anyone else would think that you are nothing special.

Yes, you are handsome. And yes, you are kind. But to anyone who doesn't know you, they would know that you aren't too simple after all.

You nod your head in acknowledgment if someone directs some word of speech in your direction but do not gift them with a response. You are polite always, even when you don't need to be, and you do the laundry without having to be asked. You don't smile, and some people would probably wonder why, but they do not ask. They think nothing of you when they see you, but that is because they are foolish.

I know they do not see what I see.

You do not speak most of the time, because I know you most likely do not know what to say. You are polite because that is your true nature, even if you do not think so. You do the laundry out of gratitude because you do not think you have done enough to deserve the type of kindness I show you by letting you stay. You don't smile, because your heart is too tired to try.

But you smile for me. And that, in my mind, is the greatest thing you could ever give to me.

When you smile that rare, genuine smile, your eyes crinkle ever so slightly at the corners, and the hard color of amber in your eyes soften just a bit. And it's beautiful.

I always wish for you to smile more often. To see the sadness that I can sense leave your spirit, if only for a little while. I want you to see yourself as worthy of my kindness, for even though you don't say anything, I can see the regret in your eyes when you think you have nothing to give in return.

But what you don't see, and what I wont ask, is that your gift is you yourself.

I know you want to leave. You always look towards the front gate as if you wish to run through it and never return, but something, something that not even I know of, holds you back.

What does hold you back? I wonder. You have told me so much about yourself even though you didn't need to.

And yet I still haven't given you my name.

Are we the same, in that thought? Are you afraid to leave, just as I am afraid to be hurt?

I have been telling myself that the reason I'm not telling you my name is because I do not trust you. But that itself is a lie. If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't have told you about my parents. If I didn't trust you, I would not be able to love you like I do.

But if I gave you my name, that would put us on personal grounds, and if you truly leave, then . . .

I'd still hurt as much as I would if I hadn't.

I looked away from you when you started to turn your head in my direction. I did not want you to read the emotions I knew you'd be able to see in my eyes. Still, the fear of being hurt was attached firmly on the corners of my heart.

But why do you want to leave? Why are you hesitating in staying? Are you afraid of . . . are you afraid at all? Nothing is holding you back here. Just a no-name girl with shattered dreams and a heart that is afraid to hope.

Can you love someone like me? Would you stay if I asked?

I had finished the present I had made for you. It is a dark green gi. I hope you like it. I'm sure that you are tired of wearing the same blue gi day in and day out, washing it every night. But when should I give it to you?

You've made me more uncertain than I've been in a long time, and being around you with my newfound feelings was making me nervous. I don't want you to know. I will always just smile, and be by your side until my blossoming dream comes to an end, and my time with you is up.

For you will leave. The only question is when. You don't have to tell me for me to know. You are an assassin. You kill only who you are told to, and leave when you are ordered. And I know you will not go against orders over something or someone as little as me. I know how strongly you believe in your ideals, and though I do not quite fully understand them myself, they are the foundation on which you stand, and nothing will stop you until you fulfill the promise you committed yourself to, and you will forever fight and you will forever kill until the true new age that you see in your dreams become everyone's reality.

The knowledge hurt, but I wont hide any more truths from myself. I lied to myself about loving Kenshin, and look where it got me. A ball of nervous goo if he ever even glances in my direction. I blink at the uncharacteristic thought. How odd for me to think that . . .

I heard you sigh and I darted my gaze back to you. You are walking towards me now, and I try not to let my nervousness show.

"Miss Jasmine?"

"Yes?" I look at you, and hope that you wont ask me what's wrong, because I know that I could never lie to you.

"Do you want me to leave?" Your voice was devoid of any emotion, and when I looked into your eyes, they were guarded.

Leave? What ever gave you that idea? I drop my eyes to my lap and think it is because the nervous glances I kept shooting at you. Kaoru, you idiot . . .

I fought to keep the tremor from my voice. "Why are you asking me?" Mou, my voice was nothing but a whisper. But at least it didn't tremble.

"You always seem nervous around me, and I will not stay if I am not welcome." You didn't hesitate in speaking. But then again, you rarely do.

I looked down at my lap, and contemplated on what to tell you. You were waiting patiently for my answer, but I didn't know what I could say that wouldn't give away too much on how I felt about you. "Kenshin . . . You are always welcome here. And I am not nervous for the reasons you think I am."

Your gaze was piercing into me, I knew, but I did not look up.

I couldn't force myself to look at you. My mask was slipping, and I didn't want you to read the emotions I knew shone clearly in my eyes. I did not want you to see the uncertainty, fear . . . or the love.

I felt rather than saw you nod, then you turned back around to do the laundry.

I've been called foolish, yes, but no one ever called me the coward I knew I was being, and I most especially didn't want you to see the shame. I was taking the coward's way out by hiding, and I knew it, and I was not proud.

But . . . there was something I could do . . .

When you turned away from me with a sigh that almost seemed resigned, I spoke in low tones to your back.

"Kenshin." You stop, but you did not turn around.

"Kamiya."

You turn your head at me, angling your body so you are only half facing me, and look at me with confusion.

With a burst of courage, I looked straight into your eyes and spoke the words that would tell you that yes, I did trust you.

"My name . . . is Kamiya Kaoru." I held your shocked eyes for only a moment before I dropped them back to my lap.

I did not see the tender smile curving your lips, before you turned away.

That man was here again. With the white bangs and the horrible, frightening eyes. He frightened me.

I wished you were here with me. With you standing by my side, I know I'd be able to feel safe. But ever since you've come to stay with me, you haven't come back in, and I wondered why.

Are you at some other tavern? With some other woman serving you? Does she care about you too? Or are you just another empty eyed stranger to her? Though you rarely look at me with that empty expression, it always appears when you drink. Err, stare at your drink.

I shake my head. It seemed that my conscious decided that my inner being wasn't spiced up enough, so it developed an odd sense of humor. Humor put aside, I nearly shiver when I feel cold eyes once again staring. Leave me alone . . .

I'm frightened, Kenshin. Where are you?

I lightly rap the side of my head with the heel of my palm, attempting to knock the thoughts out of my head.

When did I get so dependent on you? When I first met you, I thought my eyes and thoughts strayed to you because you were new to me and nothing more. You were handsome and kind. Freezing cold one minute, then burning amber flame the next. You intrigued me. You fascinated me. You frightened me. I wanted to know all about you-but I resisted.

I didn't want myself to want to know you. I didn't want to feel anticipation at night when I waited for you to return. I didn't want to hold my breath every time you joined me for lunch, and catch that slight look of appreciation whenever I cooked you a home cooked meal. I didn't want to notice how warm your eyes got when you smiled. I didn't want to be open to pain.

Loving you, I found out, was sometimes very trying on the heart.

But, I thought ruefully, it could not be helped. What was the saying I heard some boisterous men yell out earlier? Hook, line and sinker? Yes, that was how I was feeling at the moment.

I know who you are.

I know that you kill as your profession. But . . .

I also know . . . you.

Your eyes are always cold, and you never let anyone see what you are really thinking. Yet . . . I know that when I see your eyes soften ever so slightly, it is not a trick of the light. There is a soul in that body of yours. A kind and gentle side that you probably don't wish to acknowledge, but its there.

I know the feeling. When papa died, I didn't want to feel anything. I didn't want to feel pain, I didn't want to feel sorrow, I didn't want to feel period. So I stopped speaking and shut myself away from the world. Until you, that is.

I catch only a glimpse of you that first time you ever came in, and I think that was when my plan to stay cold melted away, and I found myself thinking about you more and more. I started feeling again. I started dreaming and imagining your face in my mind; that one glimpse I had of you, and I knew I was done for.

But I did not acknowledge it.

I pushed your image and the feelings aside, and convinced myself that it was nothing. But then you drank that one time . . . it was almost like I felt the pain you were hiding; felt it almost as deep as my own, and I found myself dreaming about you once again.

But we're friends now, aren't we? It's true that you have told me much about your past, while I have given you so little about mine. Yet I yearn to learn more.

But I cannot ask. I have no right asking, and you have no reason to tell me.

That feeling came back, the one of dread, and I tried to focus more on my task at hand: making miso soup.

Yes, you have no reason to tell me, and you also have no reason to stay. Unexpected anger rose inside me. Damn you Kenshin! I never needed anyone before! Nor have I ever wanted anybody! Then you come along and I find myself depending on you for heavens sake! I've never had anyone to depend on before, and now that you're here I find myself needing you more than I cared to.

Lies, Kaoru, all lies . . .

I slump down to the ground dejectively. Yes, it was all lies. I liked having you to depend on. I liked the knowledge of you being there when I get home at night. And I liked not being alone anymore.

Tears of despair rose in my eyes and clung to my eyelashes. And now you're leaving me alone . . . again . . .

Don't think. Don't.

I closed my eyes tightly, willing my thoughts away. Don't think about being alone. Don't think about anything.

I hear a rustling sound, then a soft, hesitant voice speak to me. "Kaoru- san? There is a man here wanting to speak to you . . ."

I slowly raise my head and look at the timid person. Kasane . . .

She has grown up very prettily; her dark brown hair long and wavy, and her black eyes filled with concern. I quietly wiped away my tears and donned my mask, then stood up to face her. She looked away, hurt and disappointment etched clearly on her face. "He . . . he claims to know you from awhile ago, and . . ."

My eyes soften ever so slightly, but I walk towards the door without looking at her again. I paused. "Thank you for the message . . . Kasane." I heard her gasp and the rustle of cloth as she swerves on her heel to my retreating form, but I ignore her and do not look back.

I walk to the counter and look around to whom might have called for me, not noticing the tall man that was only a few feet away leaning casually against the wall. "Well now," His deep voice calls. "There's the prettiest face I've seen since I left Tokyo! How 'bout you come over here and give me a hug?"

I turned my head to glare scathingly at the rude man, but my expression gave way to surprised delight, and smile spread across my face.

"Sanosuke!"


	8. Kenshins Interlude

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part Eight: Kenshin's Interlude.

...

Blood.

Oozing, gushing, blood. Pouring out of every single pore in my body, searing pain engulfing me whole.

That's what I see everynight in my nightmare of dreams. I cannot escape it. No matter what I do, I can never escpape the taste and smell of blood.

I don't know what I had hoped to accomplish here. Nothing has changed; I am still the merciless killer I was before she decided to invite me into her home. I can never escape what I have done, or what I have become. No matter what I do, no matter where I go, I can never fully wash away the vile coppery taste of blood from my mouth, and I can never wash the stains off my hands.

I don't know why I even attempted to try.

When I first saw you, standing alone in that crowded tavern, a wooden mask strapped to your face, your eyes had met mine for only a moment, but it seemed that was all it took. The memory of your blue eyes stayed with me. On my missions, in my sleep . . . For that one single moment, in my minds eye your face reflected all the pain in my soul, and I found myself drawn.

I was confused. How could one as lovely as you know the pain that I had witnessed in your eyes? Sensed in your soul? I had tried to ignore you, just as I tried to ignore them. Them, the frightened children that call themselves women in a household full of men. I was used to the feeling of fear, so it didn't bother me when none of them approached me to take my order. But you did. And you weren't scared at all.

You didn't look at me, but then again, I hadn't looked at you. Every night it was the same. I'd come in, you'd take my order of sake, and then leave. It was starting to become a routine for me, one that I didn't I mind participating in. And then that one night . . . The night I had chosen to drink, when the hellish reality of my world seemed too heavy for my shoulders to bear, I had felt your eyes on me again, and I felt oddly comforted.

Then there was the night that I had actually gotten sick, and you gave me a cup of tea to soothe my fever, then wrote me note telling me to get better. Why? Why had you shown such kindness to a person like me?

Like the morning mist, the darkness seemed to dissipate, and light seemed to fill the room when you slid open the shoji door, and stepped into the room with our dinner.

Three.

You had three sets of trays. Had Enishi finally returned and is now joining us for dinner? I hated it. I hated him. He intruded upon my solitude; my time alone that I selfishly wished with Kaoru, and then he dared try to court her.

I shook my head. She was not mine to claim, and I shouldn't be having these kind of thoughts.

The shoji opened wider, and to my surprise, it wasn't Enishi. He was a tall man with spiky brown hair and dark brown eyes. He wore a white shirt, the front gaping indecently open showing his chest. I frowned. Koaru had better not have picked up some begging stranger off the street. I'm going to have to talk to her about that.

You looked up at me then, and I stopped myself from glaring at the man and turned to gaze at you, nodding my head in slight acknowledgment. Even with me sitting in the darkness, you always seemed to know where I was.

You smiled then, but when I was about to speak, the tall man started speaking first as he slammed the shoji shut.

I saw you wince, just slightly, and this time I did glare at the man, but he paid me no heed.

"Man, Jou-san, this place is looking good! I had no idea you were going to start repairing this place on your own! Maybe I should've come back sooner!" He had an easy going voice, but I still didn't like him.

You smiled. "Sanosuke-kun, I'm not the one who did it." You gave a soft laugh. "Kenshin is the one who did all the work." It was then that I realized that he hadn't noticed me sitting in the shadows, but you did not know that.

'Sanosuke' looked at you with a strange look to his eyes, but his lips moved up in a quirky grin. "Oh? You got an admirer I don't know about?" He laughed, but I could tell it was slightly forced.

You smiled again, and slightly raised one of your eyebrows at him. "Why should you care?"

The man shrugged, still grinning. "Somebody has to beat them admirers away, or else you'll get so many men at your door asking you to marry them! Men nowadays only want one thing, you know. Why, I'll bet this Kenshin dude is no different! Just point 'im out to me, I'll show him not to lead my Jou- san on!" He seemed to miss you waving your hands in warning, but it was too late. He had already added fuel to my burning rage, and that last insult to my being was the last straw.

I stood up slowly, and then the sudden and undeniable click of a sword moving from it's sheath filled the room. The mans eyes widened when he suddenly spotted me walking slowly towards him. "Curb your tongue. I will not allow you to insult me."

Sanosuke jumped to his feet, his fists held out in front of him defensively. I glared coldy into his eyes, for once glad when I felt a spark of fear in his ki. Did he really think that fists were any match agains't my sword? A soft feather light touch of cool fingers on my hand stopped me from advancing, and I looked down into your pleading eyes. "No killing, Kenshin. Please, not here. I'm sure Sanosuke-kun didn't mean anything by it."

Normally I would've thrown your hands aside, just like I would have anybody else, but this was you. And I couldn't for the life of me force myself to throw your touch away.

Slowly, I lowered my sword.

Sanosuke eyes were blazing with anger, and he stood stiffly with his arms at his side. "Jou-san. Can I speak with you alone for a second?"

You sighed, and your hand lingered over mine for just a second. "I'll be right back, Kenshin."

I don't know why he bothered trying to speak in another room. With his yelling I would have heard him anyway.

"How can you let a man like that into your home? He's dangerous, Kaoru!" I narrowed my eyes at the intimate use of your name, but stayed quiet and continued to listen.

"Did you see the way he handled that sword? He's no amatuer! What if in the middle of the night he comes in and tries to kill you in your sleep! How could you?" His voice was accusing, and when you didn't answer, I became a bit uneasy.

Silence filled both rooms for a moment when, at last, you spoke. "Are you finished?" Your voice was quiet, like always, but I heard the slight anger in your voice.

"I trust him, Sanosuke-kun." Your words hit me hard, and my eyes widened slightly. "Besides," You continued. "If he did want to kill me, it wouldn't be in my sleep. Kenshin has more pride and honor than that." Your words almost made me want to smile. Almost.

"Pride? Honor? Kaoru, that man has eyes of a hitokiri! He kills people for a hobby for cryin' out loud!" He growled.

"No, Sano, he doesn't. Please do not insult him." Your voice turned pleading, and it made me want to pound that bastards face in for making you appear vulnerable. "Please can we just eat dinner? The food is getting cold, and it would take longer for me to reheat the miso soup."

I heard the man sigh."Damn, Jou-san. When you look at me like that, how can I refuse?" I was angry, but now it was for a different reason. Who and what was this man to her?

The shoji slid open once again, and I felt myself scooting over unconsciously like I always do to make room for you to sit at my side. When you settled down and started serving out the dishes, Sanosuke's eye's narrowed suspiciously, but wisely stayed quiet and sat down across from us. He cleared his throat. "Sanosuke Sagara. I would say it's a pleasure, but it obviously ain't."

"Sanosuke-kun!" You scolded gently. I ignored him.

Dinner was quiet, and when it was time for the man to leave I was relieved. I didn't walk out with either you or him when it was time to say goodbye. He knew where to leave-the same way he entered.

I had already started to put away the dishes when you entered once again. "I'm sorry, Kenshin. Sanosuke was just joking when he said you were . . .er, only after one thing." I looked up in surprise when I saw your nose powdered in pink. I relaxed just a bit and chuckled, something I did with only you.

"That's quite alright, Kaoru-san. Thank you for stopping me when you did, however." There are certain rules a hitokiri must follow, after all. And one of those rules is to never kill who you are not assigned to. Besides, I would hate myself even more if I had disrespected you so and spilled blood inside your home.

You shook your head and followed me into the kitchen. "Sanosuke had no right in saying what he did."

"How do you know if I wouldn't?" I asked gently.

"I know you." Was your soft reply.

"You don't know nearly enough." You shouldn't put so much faith in me, dear one, I could hurt you . . .

"I know all I need to." You looked up at me then, determination shining in your eyes. "Quit trying to find ways for me not to like you. I already do." I nearly took a step back, shocked at your admission. Once, I had told you that I had you to care about, but I never truly believed that you would care for me back.

You sighed. "Kenshin . . . no one should think so little of themselves."

I was silent for a long time with my back to you. I didn't understand. Why should you care so much? Why should you bother telling me lies? Though they weren't lies to you, they were lies to me. I was not one that deserved anything, and you, my dear Kaoru, shouldn't try to make me think otherwise.

"Why do you let me stay here?" My voice was low, but I had to ask. I've been wanting to ask that for a long time.

You hesitated in answering, but I needed to know. "Because . . . if you leave . . . I'll be alone once again. And . . . I really hate the feeling."

I looked at you , but your face was turned so that your bangs hid your facial expression. "Kaoru-san . . . if you'd just look around, you'd realize you're not as alone as you think." I was thinking of Sanosuke and Enishi. Though I didn't like either of them, they both seemed to generally care for you.

You looked up and smiled at me, but there was almost a sad look in your eyes. "The same can go for you, Kenshin."

I looked down at you, once again shocked, but you only smiled at me once again, then bid me a goodnight and went to bed.

Still . . . I did not understand.

Tomoe had taught me that even a person such as I had meaning in this world . . . but how could I? I was a monster, and I had killed her with my own sword. And Kaoru . . .

There was a feeling in my chest . . . deep inside the heart that I had thought died, and I almost stumbled with the realization. What I had felt for Tomoe . . . I seem to feel the same way towards you, Kaoru. Only it's stronger, seems more passionate. I shook my head, the room spinning before my eyes.

Grabbing my haori, I opened up the shoji, and disappeared into the night.

I was running from my feelings, I knew, but I was too confused to care.

There she was.

I have been missing for a couple of days, fulfilling my assignments and giving myself time to think. But I was drawn back again. Like a moth to a flame, I was drawn back to her.

She was standing near a bare tree, staring out at the now snow tipped mountains. She turned her head slightly and looked at me from over her shoulder, gave me a small smile, then turned back. She always seemed to know when I was around.

She wore her hair down today, the thick fall of ebony silk cascading down her back. the wind had picked up the silken tresses, blowing her hair around her gracefully. "This tree, Kenshin, is a cherry blossom. It won't bloom yet, obviously, but when it does, I cant wait to witness it."

She picked up her hand and laid it up against the bark. "There are some out there that spend their whole lives . . . looking for the perfect blossom. But you know what I found out?" She turned and looked at me from over her shoulders again. "They are all perfect. Every single one of them." You turned back. "Even . . . the ones that fall."

I think that was when I started staring.

She . . . was perfect. In every way imaginable, she was perfect.

I had left her, even if it was for a short time, right after she had told me she didn't want me to leave. And still, she kept her arms open, welcoming me ? Why is she so kind to me? Why is she so different from everybody else?

The thing was, she should be no different. She should be no different from the next faceless person I pass on the road. But she is. In everyway imaginable, she is different. And this time I didn't care.

After Tomoe, I had thought that I would never again feel the things that she had made me feel. But I am. And even though I accepted the feelings being much stronger than before, it still frightens me.

Yes, the great Battousai is frightened over what he feels for another.

But wouldn't anybody else in my position? Sometimes when I'm fighting, I give in to the madness eating away at my soul. I revel in the feeling of bloodlust. And here I am having feelings about a woman I shouldn't even know.

I could hurt you, dear Kaoru . . .

And that is what frightens me above all.

But . . .

Kaoru . . .

I want to . . . find out all about you . . . I want you to feel comfortable around me enough to tell me everything that's on your mind. I want you to feel that it's okay to confide into me-that it's okay to rely on me when you need someone. I want . . . I want you to feel things that I have no right in asking.

Which is why I am going to leave.

Maybe not at this very moment, but soon, I am going to have to leave.

"Kenshin . . ."

I looked up and gave the smile I give only to you. "Let's go, Kaoru-san. It's starting to get chilly."

You smiled then, and I felt a saddness in me that nearly broke me in two.

Yes . . . I'll be leaving soon . . .

Until then, koishii, please . . .

"Yes, let's head back home, Kenshin."

Let me stay with you . . .


	9. Enishi's Interlude

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part Nine: Enishi's Interlude.

...

I had returned from my trip back home to settle things that were getting a little too out of hand without me there. God, but I hated incompetence. I probably should kill the damn slaves next time they get out of line. I smirked to myself. Oops, they were called employees nowadays, weren't they?

I was angered when I returned to find out that Jasmine picked up another bum, and this one seemed to be infatuated with her too. He always hung around the house, keeping a wary eye on me and the golden-eyed freak. Hmm. I could kill him just to get him out of the picture, but Jasmine might get mad at me. I smirked again and closed my eyes as I leaned back against one of the porches posts.

In my mind, his name was Rooster-head. I forgot what his name was the moment he finished saying it. Plus, he got really pissed of at the 'nickname' I gave him. Bastard Battousai seemed outwardly unaffected by the dumb ass and his dumb ass jokes, but I could tell that he didn't like him either. Jasmine laughed and smiled a lot when Rooster head was around, and they were never directed at either of us.

I frowned as I opened my eyes and discreetly looked at Bastard, for once not doing any women house chores such as laundry, instead just leaning up against the trunk of a tree in a dark corner of the yard, one leg stretched out in front of him as his other knee was bent so one of his arms could rest on it. He was eyeing Rooster head with distaste, but the angle his head was tilted to prevent Jasmine or Rooster from noticing that his distasteful gaze was directed at them. Or I should say, directed at one spiky haired dumb ass.

Hmph. I don't see what the hell is so special about Bastard. Jasmine pays almost all of her attention to him when he finally decides to join her. Hell, the man never even smiles at her for god sakes! He doesn't talk, he doesn't even *do* anything with her except sit by her, and that's only occasionally, and if he isn't off brooding in some dark corner like he is now he's not even around her period. And his eyes are always that chilling amber that dares anybody to approach him. Personally, if I were a woman I'd just ignore the shit head and pay more attention to somebody more important. Say, a tall gorgeous white haired man that hangs around at my house all day.

Deciding that it was time to interrupt Jasmine and Bird-brained idiot's conversation, I stood up and walked purposefully towards them, mentally grinning when dumb ass number two frowned up at me. Bastard was dumb ass number one, for there's no one else I hate more than the little cherry dipped shit.

"Hey, Jasmine! I've come to relieve your pretty little head of Birdman's annoying conversation." I gave her my most charming grin, loving every moment of Rooster head's bristling. But he dared not say anything to me. Jasmine being there be damned, but if he said one word against me I'd drag him out to the streets and toy with him until I got bored. Bastard may be the most feared man and hitokiri ever to live, but I came a close second when pissed.

Jasmine smiled up at, and I was glad when I saw the slight appreciation in her eyes. Heh, no woman could resist my quirky little grin, and Jasmine seemed to be no exception. Damn, but am I good or what?

I flick my gaze to shit head and noticed how his look of distaste turned to an outright glare. But I only shrugged mentally as I turned to my object of affection. It was his own damn fault for being a crabby little dip shit hermit not bothering to join us. Besides, it wasn't as if I cared. Whenever he was around everyone else was ignored, and I kind of liked the attention I got.

It was nearly dusk when I chose to leave. Too bad Bastard disappeared, other wise he might choose to finish our postponed fight and try to kill me on the spot when I kissed Jasmine on the cheek good night.

I frowned.

She was staring at him. Again.

Damn it all to hell, but what the devil does she see in the bastard? Either they're doing things at night that I'm not aware of, or he put some kind of spell on her. Because why would she bother showering him with all kinds of love when she has me?

She had walked over to where he was standing, leaning up against what I now dubbed 'Bastards Tree'. And why not? He always sits either in it, against it, or near it. I couldn't hear what was being said, and I got pretty pissed off when I saw Jasmine smile at him; a smile that she gives only to him. Said something to him, and he hesitated only a moment before giving her a small smile—just the barest lift of the corner of his mouth, and nodded. She smiled at him again and gave a small laugh, before she turned back around to pull laundry from the line. Battousai joined her, not at all affected by the hostility I knew he sensed in my ki.

Resentment was burning a hole in my chest, festering the hatred I already held for the golden-eyed freak.

Why should he be the only one gifted with that smile? Why the f-ing hell should he only hear her laugh? Sure she laughed with Rooster and me but it was never the same as the one she gave him. The laugh she gave him was soft and delicate. Affectionate and loving. And I absolutely hated him for it.

She should smile only for me. She should laugh . . . only for me! He does not deserve the kindness she has shown him. He's killed hundreds—all for the sake of an empty ideal that would probably not even happen! A dream that will always stay a dream!

I don't care if Jasmine cares for him . . . but I'm going to kill him.

There was someone once . . . in a different time, in a different place . . . in a whole different reality . . . where a beautiful someone once smiled only for me. I still see her in my mind, smiling at me, urging me onward.

But then he came.

He stole her happiness away. He killed the one she loved, and then he took her too. He did something to trick her into falling in love with him, and now she's dead! She'll never get the chance to smile again!

Craziness nipped at the corners of my sanity, attempting to rip apart my resolve.

And for a moment, I entertained the idea of letting it loose. I grinned humorlessly. Wouldn't both Jasmine and Kenshin be surprised? Me losing control over my sanity all because of a woman. I snort. Hell, why not? A woman like Jasmine would be worth it.

She was kind. She gave and gave, unknowingly or not, I don't know, but she never seemed to want or demand anything in return. She knows what sorrow feels like—I can see it in her eyes, in her smiles, but she also knows what happiness is. That too, I can sense in her. She accepts everyone for who they are, and she never judges. How I know that is very simple to explain, even to somebody like Rooster.

I know she senses something in me. I can see the wariness in her eyes sometimes when I catch her watching me around Bastard. I can see it in her slowly and sometimes too careful movements when I'm around her. And still, she lets me visit her.

And for some perverse reason, I let her continue to batter my heart when she ignores me and focuses all her love towards Battousai.

Yes, I can tell she loves him.

Anyone would be able to see it. Her eyes lit up at the mere sight of him, and her face seemed to glow in a form of happiness that only he seemed to be able give her. I was jealous, yes. Extremely so. She should belong only to me. She should smile, for nobody else but me!

That bastard, for everything he has done, does not deserve her.

With a slow, almost evil, smirk, I closed my eyes and began to plan.

"Enishi-san, it's a nice day today, isn't it?" Her voice cut through my thoughts, and I found myself smiling at the happy tone. Opening my eyes, my grin grew when I saw her look away, flushing slightly. Yep, the old Yukishiro charm is still in me. I don't even have to speak and the ladies swoon. Damn I'm good.

"Hello, beautiful. Yep, sure is a nice day. Probably one of the few we're gonna have once winter fully hits us. I might just head back to my own estate." She sat down a few feet away from me, her feet dangling back and forth over the edge of the porch. She looked just like a little kid.

"Hmmm." Was all she said. I closed my eyes again and continued what I had been thinking before.

"Kenshin seems different somehow, don't you think?"

I barely stopped myself from growling. Even when he's not around, all she can think of is him. I shrugged nonchalantly. "How the hell should I know? It's not as if we exchange secrets on a daily basis."

She winced slightly at my tone of voice, and I cursed aloud as I sat up to apologize. "Hell, sorry 'bout that."

She shook her head. "No, it's okay. I knew that you both didn't like each other, so I shouldn't have spoke of him to you."

I sighed. "Jasmine. Look at me."

She automatically turned her head to me with a frown of confusion on her face. Neither of us noticed Kenshin approaching. "You can tell me anything you want. Whether it is about Bast—Battousai then so be it. But can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, Enishi-san." She pivoted towards me, her hands folded neatly in her lap.

"While you're trying to get Battousai to notice you, why don't you try noticing me?"

She flushed scarlet and looked away. "I notice you . . ." Her voice held uncertainty and confusion.

I shook my head. "Not like you notice him. You may not be aware of it, or maybe you are, but . . . it always seems . . . everything always seems to be about him." I felt like a bastard then, when she started to strap on her mask; the one she dons when she doesn't want anyone to know what she's thinking or feeling. But like the selfish bastard I was and enjoyed being, I didn't care at all. I wanted to know now that if push comes to shove, if she would throw our friendship away all for a man that probably would never return her feelings.

A movement caught my attention, and when I looked up, Bastard was standing right there, his golden eyes glued to the beautiful young girl in front of him. I felt like hitting myself then. Sure, you moron! Give him an excuse to lead her on! Give him another chance at leading her one more step away from me!

Giving into the urge, I smacked my forehead with the heel of my palm. "Hello, Battousai." I said dryly.

Jasmine jerked her head up, a startled look in her eyes. Her face flamed up again when she caught and held Bastards gaze, but after a moment longer she looked away and dropped her gaze back down to her lap. A moment later, she hesitantly looked back into Bastards eyes to find his gaze focused solely on her.

A tense silence filled the air, and I decided that it was time for me to go. By the looks in both of their eyes, I knew that I just blew all, if any, of my chances to hell at getting Jasmine. I sighed.

"I better get going, Jasmine." She nodded in absent acknowledgment, and I sighed again as I made my way out the front gate of her house. When I looked over my shoulder one last time, I suddenly wished I had never looked at all.

Battousai took both of Jasmine's hands in his, kissed both of her palms, then held them against his chest and bowed his head over them, almost reverently. When Jasmine's eyes softened just slightly, I got the vague feeling that he had done that before.

Then the gates shut completely, and I stood alone outside the walls of her property, staring at the wooden gates.

The calmness of the night fell on the small town of Namazu; wrapping it in her pitch-black arms. The cool night air gently blew across the sleeping town, dancing with the trees that were nearby. The crickets were out and had already started to sing their lullaby to lull children to sleep.

I stood in the middle of the dirt road and breathed in the fresh smell. It was true that I had decided on leaving for good, but there was no way in hell that I was going to miss my opportunity on fighting Battousai and finishing the fight that was interrupted. Vengeance ruled my heart and my soul purpose that evening was to make him pay. He stole away both chances at my happiness, and I wasn't going to leave without some kind retribution.

I didn't even notice the chill of the wind; didn't even make me shiver at its iciness. Only my hair seemed to be affected by it, for it waved slightly from the wind and felt cold when my bangs blew into my eyes.

My eyes were focused on my destination and narrowed with determination. The only sound of my presence on the dark streets were the soft padding sound of my feet bringing me closer and closer to the place I wanted to be: Jasmine's house.

The shadows of the trees seemed to reach out for me, as if to bring me into the inky depths of nothingness, and I welcomed the feeling of that nothingness soaking into my soul. The tall looming walls of the front gate seemed almost a symbol to me. Like the final obstacle that I must pass. For once I passed these gates, I would finally meet the source of all my pain. The Battousai.

I had planned it like this. I wanted it to be deep into the depths of darkness when Jasmine was still sleeping and unaware of our fight. I didn't want her to interrupt like she did last time. This was a fight I intended to finish with no disruptions.

I felt Kenshin's ki stir to life when I opened the front gates, standing in front of them but not entering. When the shoji opened and revealed the bastard, his back straight and stiff and his golden eyes blazing in fury, I smirked and tilted my chin up slightly in a domineering manner.

"It's about time you got your lazy ass up. Get the hell out here and fight me!" I demanded, waving my hand in a gesture for him to follow me. He did not.

"Do not be foolish Enishi. Though you probably deserve to, I won't kill you." Kenshin responded, his voice a growl as his hand clutched at the hilt of his katana as if he was barely holding himself back. Seeing how he wasn't going to immediately accept my challenge, I decided on a different approach.

"Tell me, Battousai, when are you going stop slashing innocent people and staining the ground with their blood? When are you going to realize that killing people isn't helping anything?" I growled out. Get mad, Battousai! Get furious! Fight me in your *true* nature!

Battousai nearly snarled as he took a half step forward. "I'm not helping anything? You don't really think I haven't heard what you have done? Unlike you, what I am doing is for the future! For the millions of people that are oppressed! I don't kill for sport like you—-so don't insult me further by placing me on your low level."

He took another step, just a few away from the porch steps. "Enishi, I suggest you leave now. For some reason, and damned if I know, Kao—Jasmine cares for you, and I don't want her blaming me for your death." My eyes narrowed. Had she told him her name?

Kenshin's hands were shaking with barely contained fury, and he bowed his head just slightly to hide the look in his eyes. He didn't take another step towards me.

I prodded a little deeper, knowing that I only needed slight prompting for him to finally fight me.

"Fighting for those oppressed? And what about the sacrifices made? Was that all that Tomoe was to you, you sick bastard! You stole away her happiness! You killed her! How dare you say that you wish to 'protect' someone! How dare you say you're going to 'fight for the future'! All you care about is your own agenda—-you give no thought to the people who wait at home, waiting for the ones you kill to walk through their front door any minute!

The only thing that you can possibly do is destroy futures and lives with your sword! Don't try to feed me your foolish ideals! For that is all they are! Dreams! Fantasies! Illusions that you have created to help you kill people more easily—-just like you did to my sister!" I snapped, my eyes flaming with hate. He deserved to suffer. He deserved to rot in hell, in places so deep that not even the devil dares to go.

Kenshin shook with self-loathing; unshed tears of that event brimming up in his eyes. He gripped the hilt of his katana unrestrained fury; his knuckles turning white. But I didn't care. I wanted him to die with him hating himself. I wanted him to die knowing of the lives he destroyed. Mine, and my sisters.

"With this sword I shall destroy the breeder of death. I shall make him feel pain! I shall take his happiness away! I will rid the world of your filth!" I growled then started to run straight for him.

Kenshin's wrist snapped out, bringing his blade out in front of him, blocking my attack.

I growled and jumped back, running to the left, quickly encircling my prey. In a bout of rage, I swung my sword horizontally in an act to cut Kenshin in half.

Kenshin quickly jumped in the air and over my body. He twisted his body in mid-air so he faced my unguarded backside and brought his sword down.

I turned my head quickly to look at Kenshin coming, his sword aimed for my back. And I quickly swung my sword backwards in an effort to defend myself. Kenshin's sword met mine, though the force behind it caused me to fall forwards.

No! I can't lose! I have to win! For Tomoe, and for Jasmine's happiness!

I growled and forced myself off the ground, using my sword as support. I scanned the temporary arena for my opponent with my eyes and chi. He would not stay hidden for long.

I turned around abruptly, my blade up and ready, my eyes searching frantically for the Battousai. Where the hell was he?

"Show yourself, you Devil!" I screamed into the darkness. Still, silence reigned supreme, and I stood alone in the courtyard of Jasmine's home. "Fight me! You must die! I cannot allow you to cause another persons pain! And you know it too! You know that staying here will only cause her pain!"

Kenshin jumped from the black shadows, delivering a Ryu Sui Sen to my already hurt body. The force behind his attack sent me spiraling into a nearby tree, cracking it a little from the force of Kenshin's attack.

Kenshin walked up slowly to my still body and narrowed his eyes in anger. But I couldn't move. For the life of me, I just couldn't move.

"Never. . . .come here again. I do not wish to kill you." Kenshin grounded out.

I, however, could only make a gurgling sound from the back of my throat and a light moan of pain.

"You need to accept your defeat and leave this place peacefully. However . . . if you even dare come here again, then I will not hesitate in killing you." Kenshin whispered harshly, resheathing his katana.

I sat up slowly, my face bloodied and knotted in anger. I spat out some blood and stood up with my sword's support, barely even managing that. But I would not let him leave without condemning his soul. I will not let him leave without the weight pushing his shoulders down.

"Why do you stay here? Why do you continue to her hurt her?" I rasped out, and I mentally cursed myself for being so weak.

Kenshin stopped, but did not turn around.

I smirked at my silent victory. "You will leave. You know you will. And you will steal away her happiness just like you did Tomoe. The only difference is she will still be alive to taste the bitter fruits of the heartache you will leave her with. You will never be able to make her happy. Why are even trying? You are only going to hurt her in the end."

Kenshin's head bowed, and for a moment I thought that maybe I had one the fight after all. "When I leave, I may hurt her. In fact, I know I will. But if I can give her happiness, in any form I can, then I will give it to her. She knows that I will be leaving. She realized it a long time ago. We both accepted the consequences that sealed both our fates when she let me stay here. And I will not regret, even for a moment, the time that I spent with her."

I gave a faint smirk, feeling utterly defeated. "Yes, you won't, but will she?"

He stiffened, but then slowly relaxed. "I guess I'm just going to have to ask her then, wont I?"

I limped out of the yard, barely having the strength, and gave a humorless laugh. "I suppose you should. Go ahead then, rot in your fake reality. I hope she realizes soon enough what an empty dream you really are, and opens her eyes to reality."

The gates once again closed behind me, shutting out the happiness that could have been mine if Battousai had never existed. Shutting out the light that I might have held in my own two hands, but had been snuffed out before I even had a chance to let it burn.

With hate and bitterness in my heart, I walked away from what could have been mine. Walked away from the only happiness that I thought I could have possessed, if only that demon never existed.

I walked away . . . from her . . . and the man that ruined my life and me irrevocably, the man whose name was Himura Kenshin, the manslayer of the night, the destroyer of happiness.

As I walked away, I finally let go of the edges of my sanity, willing the darkness to consume my soul, just as the night consumed my body, making me invisible to everyone, including those who looked.

I walked away from Jasmine . . . and the beautiful sound she made when she laughed, and the beautiful sound I heard even when she wasn't speaking at all.


	10. Bliss

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part Ten: Bliss

...

_"Why do you stay here? Why do you continue to her hurt her?"_

Even though I knew I really shouldn't let his words get to me, they kept repeating over and over in my head, like an unstoppable mantra. Why *did* I stay here? Why *did* I keep hurting her? The answer is simple. I am a selfish bastard. I greedily hold all of Kaoru's moments and mine together, greedily wanting to demand for more. I hate it when others are around her, because then we are not alone. We don't talk much, but I like to consider myself a man of actions rather than a man of words. Words were meaningless to me, after all.

He smirked as if he had won the battle, and perhaps he really had. "You will leave. You know you will. And you will steal away her happiness just like you did Tomoe. The only difference is she will still be alive to taste the bitter fruits of the heartache you will leave her with. You will never be able to make her happy. Why are even trying? You are only going to hurt her in the end."

I bowed my head, feeling the weight of his words and cursing how he had lodged that one tiny ball of guilt with a little bit of doubt in my heart, just like he had been aiming for. But I couldn't regret my decision to stay. She was the single light in my dreary darkness, and no matter how guilty I may be in the end for hurting her; I just couldn't regret any of the time that I spent with her.

So I replied with the best answer I could give. "When I leave, I may hurt her. In fact, I know I will. But if I can give her happiness, in any form I can, then I will give it to her. She knows that I will be leaving. She realized it a long time ago. We both accepted the consequences that sealed both our fates when she let me stay here. And I will not regret, even for a moment, the time that I spent with her."

I repeated the words that I spoke to him over and over again, glad that I answered with the truth. If I had lied then, I knew that tiny ball of doubt and guilt that Enishi made would only grow and force me to leave faster than I wanted to.

"Yes, you won't, but will she?"

Would she? Would she—*does* she regret the time we spent together, even as fleeting as the moments were? I didn't know, and I didn't want to dwell on it. Enishi didn't love her; I knew that for a fact. But I know also that he holds a great deal of affection. And I damned myself for taking that away from him.

He knew he had to leave. We both wouldn't and couldn't accept each other in the presence of Kaoru; we hated each other too much to allow it or rather, he hated *me* too much to allow it—the fight had only determined who would be able to stay the longest.

We acted like children, nearly playing an all out tug-o-war over the beautiful object of our affection, but I know that it could not have been any other way. Enishi was not the kind of man to sit down and talk over differences—especially if that talk was over Kaoru. Like me, he was selfish. And like me, he wanted only Kaoru.

"Kenshin? Lunch is ready." Her sweet voice was like music, soft and almost haunting. Whenever she spoke, almost anybody would be able to almost taste the sadness in her voice, and everybody could hear the softness of the melody. Or maybe it was only me. Maybe I am only imagining the sadness. Maybe I am only imagining the melody in her voice. I mentally shrugged. No matter.

I stood and made my way towards the dining area. I loved Kaoru's cooking. It may not be the greatest, for I have had better, but nothing truly warmed my insides at the thought that she personally made this food. For *us*. A smile flitted across my face, but it disappeared as soon as I slid shut the shoji door. Kaoru was kneeling on the floor and setting up our dinner trays, and while her head was bowed over her task, I allowed myself to regard her warmly.

She was such a beautiful creature. Her beautiful eyes seemed to watch and take the world in, never judging, only watching, only accepting. She never seemed to take things for granted, and she—

"Kenshin, I—" She stopped, her eyes meeting mine, and for a moment, it seemed like only the two of us existed. The sound of the wind blowing outside seemed to fade from our ears, and even the silence seemed different. She smiled. "Kenshin, I made your favorite; miso soup."

I raised my eyebrow at her, letting my mask relax ever so slightly. "How did you know I liked miso best?"

Kaoru laughed quietly. "Well, when ever I make it, you seem to eat that first and the quickest, so I assumed that it was." She admitted. She cocked her head to the side at me as I settled down next to her. "It is, isn't it?"

I took up my chopsticks, purposefully not looking at her. I let a small smile come to my lips. "Aa."

I heard her laugh, and then we started eating.

I sighed as finished the last bit of the dishes. Even though I was used to it, I still hated doing them. My hands got all pruny and dry and . . . blek. I smiled. I was getting to be a lot livelier now a days, aren't I? Well, at least a little, Sano made sure I had enough fun to fill my days.

Sighing happily, I grabbed the sleeping yukata that I had picked up from my room before heading to do the dishes. Right now a nice hot bath sounded especially nice. I had a day off so I can be well rested for my night shift, but I couldn't sit still, so I stayed home and worked hard to clean the house. Kenshin was on the roof of the bathhouse fixing a couple of tiles that had flown off the other night by the wind, and I stayed inside scrubbing hard at anything that had dust on it.

Over all, it had been a very satisfying day.

Enishi hasn't been over yet, and I doubt he'll be coming back any time soon. They had fought, and Kenshin had won. Did they really think I wouldn't hear them? Enishi had screamed out his challenge, waking me from my slumber. I had sat in the hallway just outside the shoji, sitting on the floor and leaning up against the wall.

I had heard everything. From Enishi's challenge all the way to when he asked Kenshin of his regrets. And he had none.

I had cried then. Silent tears that didn't stop sliding down my cheeks until I heard the front gate thud shut, and Kenshin walking back to go to his rooms. I cried for Enishi, and the love I could never give him. I cried for Kenshin, and the fact that once he'll leave, I'll once again be alone.

I knew he was leaving—I reminded myself of it every day. I couldn't forget about it, because if I did I would only set my heart full of hope, only to have it break when he one day disappears. And I cried . . . for me. For the love I held for one man, and the heartache I was going to feel when I wake up one day and find his room empty.

I sighed. I really needed to stop thinking like this. I'll just stay sad and then I'll start to mope and then... well, then I'll look really pathetic. I survived a long time on my own—I'm stronger than this!

I frowned to myself as I stripped out of my clothes and started my bathing routine. I was stronger than this, and I knew that when Kenshin leaved I will be able to move on...I guess I just didn't like the idea of him leaving. I snorted softly as I dumped a bucket of lukewarm water over my head. It's not like I'll ever get used to the idea.

I sighed blissfully as I sunk down into the steaming water, silently thanking Kenshin for warming up the bath. How lucky am I? I have a guy who doesn't complain about housework and heats up the furo without even having to be asked. A flash of warm liquid topaz flashed through my head, and I smiled at the memory of his eyes. Yes, very lucky indeed.

"Kaoru? You in there?" His silky voice filtered through the air, and I mumbled something in response, sleep already on its way. "I have to leave on an... errand. I'll be back soon."

The only words I registered were 'leaving' and 'soon' and my once sleepy mind suddenly snapped to attention. Hurriedly, I jumped out of the water, slipping and nearly stubbing my toe. I cursed silently, one of the many words I picked up from Sano, and grabbed my robe. I tried to run across the floor, but I decided it was a bad idea seeing how I continuously slipped, so I settled for walking really fast. I slammed the door open, grasping my robe together at the chest, and raised my eyes to Kenshin's shocked ones.

My eyes widened and I started. I couldn't help it.

My eyes dropped from hers and followed a tiny drop of warm liquid run down her throat, down to the valley between her breasts. Her silky midnight hair swayed gently in the light breeze, some of the wet tresses of her bangs sticking to her face and neck. Her thin robe clinged to her soft and very wet body, making her clothes almost translucent. A slow blush started to creep up her neck, and I raised my eyes again to her blushing face.

I took a step towards her, and when she didn't step back, I took another and another until I stood just barely a hairs breadth away. Her head was bowed slightly to hide her blush, her bangs now hanging loosely, brushed against my chest. Her fingers still clenched tightly around the front of her robe. Gently, and very slowly, I reached one hand and grasped the one holding her robe, while my other rose to tilt her head up.

Her eyes were blue and luminous, swirling with emotions that I couldn't put a name too—too scared to put a name to—and she didn't bother hiding them. Her lips were parted slightly, her cheeks still had that adoring rosy blue. A single, solitary drop of water started its slow course down her cheek, and I couldn't stop myself from leaning forward and capturing it with my lips.

Her gasp was small and breathy when she felt my lips on her skin, so I lingered, caressing her softness slowly. She leaned forward to me slightly, almost unconsciously, and I groaned and finally wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her neck. She stiffened slightly, and I rubbed my hands up and down her back in an attempt to help her relax.

A moment... only a moment is all I ask, to just hold her, and have her hold me in return.

Almost as if she heard my silent plea, Kaoru let go her robe and wrapped both of her arms around me, resting her head against my chest. I heard her sigh, and I raised my face to the sky and smiled in pure joy, before I rested my cheek against the top of her head.

I was supposed to fulfill an assignment tonight, even though it wasn't as if I had a time limit, but I just couldn't bring my self to let her go. She raised her head and looked at me, the beautiful eyes that I could never forget staring up at me just as she had when I first tilted her face to mine, and I gave her a smile.

The crickets chirped in the night, a few birds sung their last notes before bed, and the moon shown brightly, illuminating the moment when I lowered my head, and gently kissed her lips.

And caught up in the moment, neither of us noticed a pair of dark sinister eyes, gleaming in the dark maniacally, a slow grin stretching across his face.


	11. Kurogasa

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part Eleven: Kurogasa

...

_"Kaoru-san? Kaoru-san? There is someone here to see you." Kasane called out, her wavy brown hair tied back into a high ponytail. I smiled in thanks and, thinking it was Sanosuke coming to visit again, I hurriedly took off my apron and rushed out of the back room._

I looked around, searching for a certain tall dark and spiky haired man, but finding none. Instead, to my utter delight, I found a handsome golden- eyed man waiting at his old table. The room was dark and musty as usual, the stale smell filled also with the stench of alcohol and bad body odor. The men surrounding the table were talking quietly among themselves, not one of them sitting with their backs turned towards him. They eyed him warily, as if afraid he was going to jump up and bite them.

But I paid them no heed, my eyes for Kenshin, and Kenshin only. Smiling, I grabbed a bottle of sake and two cups. Still smiling, I made my way towards him. One of the waitresses grabbed my arm worriedly halfway across. "Kaoru- san... you don't want to go over there. The men are saying that he has the eyes of a hitokiri, and not that of the local yukaza's, but a real one." She leaned forward more closely. "They say he's the infamous hitokiri Battousai."

I shook my head and leaned away. "You shouldn't listen to the rumors. And don't worry, nobody serves him but me." She nodded uncertainly and let go of my arm. She was new here, so I didn't blame her for worrying. If anything, it was quiet touching.

When I reached Kenshin's side, I sat by him in the shadows and slowly filled his sake cup, then smiled from underneath my lashes. He brought the disk up to his nose, swirling the liquid around in the small disk like cup and taking a deep breath, then he slowly took a drink. Filling my own cup and smiling, I whispered softly, "Hi."

The hard look in his eyes softened just a bit, and he nodded towards me. Bringing the cup to my lips, I whispered for his ears only. "Does anyone know of your identity here?"

No expression filtered across his face, but I knew him, and I knew he was waiting for me to continue. "There are rumors going around that you're the Battousai. I wonder... who would say such a thing?"

Kenshin was quiet as I refilled his sake. I heard him sigh while refilling mine. "I was hoping to walk you home tonight. Thank you for the sake, and thank you again for telling me."

A small noise was heard from the back of my throat, and I reached up to grasp his sleeve. "Please... just a couple more minutes. My shift is almost over."

He stared at me for a moment, and it was only then that I was suddenly aware of almost every eye looking upon me. Blushing scarlet, I averted my gaze and let go of his sleeve. Suddenly, the plain design on my kimono looked very interesting.

Kenshin hesitated only a minute before slowly sitting back down.

A few minutes later of just sitting there in Kenshin's company, serving and drinking sake with him, I decided that it was time to get my stuff together and head home. However, once in the back room, Kasane and the new waitress, Taka I believe her name was, rushed towards me.

"_Kaoru_! You shouldn't grab at him like that! What if he killed you!" Kasane fretted, biting the nail of her little finger.

"Yeah! Did you see his sword! Looked pretty lethal to me! I know you said you were the only one who serves him—but did you see his _eyes_? Talk about scary and foreboding. It's like he can see right through you!" Taka whispered, looking around the room as if Kenshin was lurking in the shadows. He wasn't of course, but I didn't tell her that. And all swords looked menacing, but I didn't say that either.

"Look, thank you for being worried. Your concern really touches me, but Kenshin would never hurt me. That I know for sure." I smiled at them reasuringly, then picked up my small pack.

As I walked out the back room, I heard the smile in Kasane's voice as she spoke. "Wow. She sure has changed. I'm happy that she's found happiness. Before, she always looked so sad."

"Well, if I had that hunk of burning muscle visiting me everyday, I'd get happy too."

"_What_? The red head?"

"No! I walk by her house everyday to pick flowers and some tall gorgeous guy always goes knockin' on her door! Too bad flowers arent really blooming anymore now that winter is coming; now I don't have an excuse to walk by there everyday."

Kasane sighed. "Some girls just get all the luck."

"Yeah..." Another sigh.

I smiled and didn't look back as the curtain fell behind me.

The walk home was quiet and uneventful, but for some odd reason, I just couldn't escape the feeling that someone was watching me. Shaking it off as me being to paranoid, I shivered as a cold wind blew over me.

I felt something warm and slightly calloused grab my hand, and I looked down in surprise at mine and Kenshin's clasped hands. I smiled warmly and looked at him, but he was looking straight ahead instead of at me. But I smiled anyway and gently squeezed his hand.

Once we got to the house, Kenshin opened the front gate and gently pushed me in. I looked up at him in confusion. "What...?"

But he only smiled and shook his head, a rueful look barely discernable in his golen, cat-like eyes. Slowly, he brought his free hand up and curled a finger under my chin. A warm look entered his eyes, and he lowered his head and gave me a lingering kiss. Blinking my eyes shyly, I met his heated gaze with my ever-present smile—the one I give to no one else but him. I didn't look away when he allowed me to see the desire in his gaze, but my face sure got warm and I just knew I was blushing.

He shook his head, looking almost regretful, but his emotions seemed even more closed off than before, so I was left guessing.

"Someone has been following us, koishi." I would have blushed at the endearment, but as it were, a sudden fear entered my mind. "Shh, it's alright, koi, I'm to go and... investigate this matter. Go to your room and don't leave until I get back. You will be safe, koi. Please wait, I will be back shortly."

* * *

_I felt a grin stretch across my face as I spotted her. She just arrived, smiling at customers and silently taking their orders. She never spoke to them. Of that, I am certain._

She only spoke to three people. All of them just happened to be men.

I myself had never heard it—the beautiful sound I knew her voice to be, but yearned to. And I swore to myself that by the end of my assignment, I will hear something from those lips directed at me.

Battousai thought he could track me down the other night, but I am far too clever for the likes of him. Pushing the bastard out of my mind, I once again focused on her.

She was quite the looker, so it didn't surprise me too much that Battousai was attracted to her. Long waves of ebony silk cascaded down her back to her hips, bangs cut to delicately frame her perfect face. Soft midnight blue eyes that radiated a strong, but silent iron will—sometimes almost daring men to approach her. For a soft woman, she handled herself well among a room full of drunken men.

She had a beautifully sculpted body—a magnificence I witnessed just a few nights ago when bastard Battousai had taken her to bed.

She stood in the doorway of the bath house, her white robe plastered to her pale wet skin, her rosy nipples standing out, two pink spots against all that white. Of course my gaze was drawn there. Hell, even Battousai's was. The rest of her robe gaped slightly open, almost enough for anybody to just lean forward and take a peak inside and look upon her treasures.

She was absolutely magnificent. And I only ached now more than ever to take her. My grin turned into a sneer. Preferably as a dying Battousai watched.

He had humiliated me. He had defeated me. And what's more, he let me live with the shame. I was going to rip him apart, piece-by-piece, laughing the whole while.

It was going to be grand. Absolutely grand.

She hadn't noticed me yet, I don't think, but that was good. She didn't need to know.

When her shift ended, I waited.

* * *

_She smelled wonderful—the sweet honeyed smell of jasmine._

It had been quite easy taking her. When she saw me, surprise shown on her face before I hit the back of her head with the hilt of my sword. Very easy. Disappointedly so.

I left a note, deliberately inviting him to follow me. If he wanted her back—that would be the only way.

I had to make haste. He will come looking for her as soon as he finds the note.

And if I wanted to get to Edo before Battousai—I'd have to leave now.

* * *

_It was dark. I was cold. Pain tingled its way up and down my spine, and my head was killing me. Where was I?_

That man.

That frightening man that had been at the tavern all those days ago—the one with the leering grin and the dark, crazed eyes of a madman. He was the one who took me. Why? And for what purpose? To humiliate and shame me? No, if that had been the case, he wouldn't have gone through the trouble of kidnapping me. He would have just taken me into an alley somewhere and...

No, he must have a different agenda in mind. But what? I had no living relatives, and no one to care about me being gone except Sano and Kenshin...

Realization hit me, but I swallowed my gasp and was proud my body stayed still, my breathing even. I was strewn across a horses back, and it was far into the night. Blood was rushing to my head, making me dizzy, and my hands were bound tightly behind my back, the rope cutting off the flow of blood to my hands making them hurt with numbing pain.

I remained still.

I forced myself for countless hours to seem like I was unconscious. If we stopped, I wanted to be prepared to flee.

Sadly, I had a sinking feeling that escape was in no way shape or form possible.

But I hurt. Blood was pounding in my head, the pressure in my head reaching to a crescendo, and I wanted to scream. My hands lost all feeling to them, and I still felt that phantom pain running up my arms. But I refused the weakness inside of me begging to be released. I refused myself to break down and cry like I wanted to; to curl up in a tiny ball and cry out my fear.

I wanted to. Oh, I wanted to.

I was scared and alone, and I wanted someone, anyone, to be by my side. Well, minus maniac kidnappers anyway.

After what seemed like days, or maybe just a few hours—who knew? We finally stopped. The man lifted me from the horse and dropped me unceremoniously at the base of a knarled tree.

My eyes snapped open at the added pain, my gaze falling on a pair of black boots standing in front of me. Following the legs up, they landed on the features of the man whose face seemed permanently etched into a grotesque sneer. Man, but he really was an ugly man.

I hid my fear when his eyes started wandering, and I drew my knees protectively to my chest. Smirking, the man crouched down and started to reach behind me. Cringing, I tried to scoot away, but he grabbed my bound hands and cut the ropes with the knife I should have noticed in his hand. Scooting backwards, I brought my purple, tingly hands up and crossed my arms defiantly.

One thing for sure, I would not very easily allow this monster to take me.

* * *

_She hid her fear well, but I could still smell it. My grin slowly widened as I took her in. But no, I would not take her just yet. "Quit frowning, wench. I didn't bring you here to eat you." I gave a short laugh. "Yet, anyway."_

_"Why did you take me? What is your purpose?"_ I imagined her saying to me. But no, she didn't move. She didn't even blink, and her mouth stayed firmly shut.

"Don't you want to know why I took you?" No response. Not even a flick of an eyelid. Oddly enough, I couldn't even sense a thing in her ki. No anger, no hatred, no... nothing. How was she able to hide herself from me? I wondered.

"Battousai will come, because he feels responsible for your well being. Any weak man would, I suppose. Especially after a night of thorough bedding." Still no response. Just that stare that seemed to see straight through me.

Out of need to get a reaction—any reaction out of her, I forged on. "But if that were the case, a lot of men would have to feel responsible for you, since I'm sure Battousai isn't the only one to share your covers. Lots of customers, I hear. Tell me, how much do you charge?"

I looked hard into her eyes, waiting for her to take insult to that comment. She wasn't a whore, I knew that, but I wanted a response. Anything. I got my wish. Something barely discernable flickered across her blue gem like eyes—realization, perhaps? Realization of what? It was gone before I had any more time to analyze.

My grin reasserted itself. "I wonder what Battousai's reaction will be while he lies bleeding to death while I take you in front of him." I laughed. "Oh, it will be _grand_."

Nothing. Fine, she doesn't want to talk, she can starve tonight. By morning, she'll be begging me for food. I'll give her that. And then some.

Once I reassured myself, I continued grinning at her while I started smoking a cigarette, pulling in one long drag after the other, then I started making dinner. For one. But when I looked over at her, she was no longer staring at me, rather, her eyes were half closed and she was looking down at the ground.

I felt a stirring of irritation at her.

Why wasn't she reacting?

She didn't even bat an eye or curl her lip or furrow her eyebrows as I ate my dinner in front of her noisily. What, did she get kidnapped so many times that she was used to this sort of thing? I was frustrated, and I didn't like it. I was supposed to be the one in charge; the one in control—no one should be able to upset me like her.

Why is she so different?

Why am I so fascinated?

Staring at her while I chewed my food, the answer came a moment later.

She was nothing sort of a goddess.

Her eyes held so many hidden secrets, so many mysteries. Her body was one to be desired by all, the flesh beneath all those layers of clothing just waiting to be touched, just waiting to be discovered.

I have watched her for so long—even before I was hired to get Battousai out of the way. But even after all this time—not once have I heard her utter a single soft-spoken word.

But that bastard had.

And I'm going to kill him for it.

Now, after all this time, I finally have the chance to unlock all the secrets she holds in her beautiful blue sapphire eyes.

And I will know them. Forced out if need be.

* * *

_Damn that man. Well, at least he sat me upright on the horse with my hands tied in front of me and not as tightly bound. My stomach quietly growled, but I was used to going days sometimes without food, so it really didn't bother me too much._

I wondered why he took me to get back at Kenshin. Sure Kenshin cares about me—there was no mistaking that. But would he come after me? Would he disobey orders, leave his post, and follow the trail of this maniac to get me back?

Yes.

It was the only answer I would allow myself to receive. I must have hope. I must believe Kenshin cares enough about me to come after me. If I lose hope now, this bastard just might sense what I'm thinking.

The morning breeze brushed up against my cheek, almost comforting in its caress. The sun was rising, and with the misty clouds in its way, the horizon was covered in flame.

I immediately thought of Kenshin. Was he seeing the same sunrise as me? Was he staring at the same beautiful sight and thinking of me? But I pushed the thought from my mind. I needed to take in my surroundings, to remember what was where as best as I could.

The road was dusty, and many people were already traveling up it. Some with hired kago barers trotting up the trail, many people on foot, and only a few rode by on horseback. Some people were carrying loads so great, it was a wonder how they kept their chests from dragging on the ground.

He didn't pause his pace. This nameless man that kidnapped me. He wore a dirty white kimono, and I knew from my view of his boots the other night that he wore pants underneath. He must be hot, and I was glad. Let him burn. Let him be as uncomfortable as possible.

I wondered too why he chose to ride on the high road going east to what I'm pretty sure led to Edo. He was in plain sight for anyone knowing what they were looking for to see. A man galloping along the high road on a black and white flashy horse wasn't very inconspicuous. Kenshin would be able to track him down immediately. If, that is, he knew what he was looking for.

Despair clogged my throat for a moment when I realized that no, Kenshin really doesn't have any idea what he's supposed to be looking for. The man came in only when Kenshin was gone or far away. Kenshin wouldn't even know the direction they were going in.

I looked around me again and my heart sank. No, this kidnapper was smart. Of course he'd choose a busy road. Too many footsteps already overlapped the ones made by their horses. It truly was impossible for Kenshin to even find a corner of the horses hoof print.

_Hope.  
_  
It was what that tiny beacon of light in a storm of darkness was called. I could almost hear the voice on the other end whispering, "Don't give up! It'll be alright... everything will be alright..." Whispering. Soothing. A voice that sounded suspiciously like Kenshin's.

_Hope._

I bowed my head and smiled, and imagined a familiar warmth envelope my body, cocooning me its protective heat.

Kenshin...

He would come.

I knew it.

I felt it in my heart.

Somewhere out there, someone was worried.

Somewhere out there, that someone was looking for me.

I closed my eyes and smiled, imagining Kenshin's beautiful face in my mind and wishing, hoping, that he was imagining me in his too.


	12. One Side of the Soul: Battle of the Two ...

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part Twelve: One side of the soul: Battle of the two hitokiri's

...

_He's such a lame excuse for a man._

Here he kidnapped me from my home, started dragging me across Japan to Tokyo—all because he wanted to fight at a certain location? What a moron. I suppose he could have some other plan or reason why he took me this far... but I doubt it.

We went off the road a while back once we hit the city limits, and now all he is doing is sitting on that damn rock taking long drags of his smelly cigarette and staring off into space. Mou, when did I become such a potty mouth? Sano must be wearing off on me more than I thought.

But what was he planning, anyway?

My hands were tied quite tightly in front of me, and I was sitting inside a small shrine that he had placed me in, giving me a perfect view of what would be the battlefield. Except for the rock he was sitting on, the clearing was filled with nothing but dirt and grass. He had obviously planned this out for quite some time. But why? What reason? I did not understand, and I had a feeling I would only get my answers once or if Kenshin ever arrives.

The man, whom I have yet to learn his name, started laughing suddenly for no apparent reason, and my theory of him being a maniac became a solid fact in my mind. As if he felt my gaze on him, he turned to me with a grin and shook his head in what was almost wonderment. "He made it here faster than I expected."

My heart started to race, and I looked around the forest searchingly, trying to find a silhouette in the shadows. "He wont be here for a few minutes, so don't get too excited." He paused and cocked his head to the side, as if listening for something my ears couldn't detect. "And oh is he angry. Furious even." He laughed. "Oh, this is going to be grand. Just grand."

_Crazy bastard_. I thought with contempt.

"You're probably wondering why I brought you all the way over here, aren't you?" I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or not. "Well, just think about it for a moment. The feared Battousai suddenly disappears and nobody really knows why. A few weeks later, the Shinsen-gumi attacks, and the Ishin shishi's most needed assassin warrior is no longer there to defend his comrades. Ishin shishi is crushed. Survivors will come crawling back to regroup in hopes of once again becoming strong enough to go against the Shinsen-gumi and restore the emperor to his rightful place above one and all. What corpse do they find? Why, who knows at this point, since the body would be so decomposed that the only thing noticeable would be the faded red of his hair. Tragic, isn't it?"

His grin widened considerably. "Who knew the famed Battousai was so _weak_ and _selfish_ that he allowed himself to be charmed by a woman enough to leave his ideals and friends behind to come rescue her? I guess even killers like him have a romantic side to them. Isn't that right... Battousai?"

My heart literally jumped up into my throat as I watched him step from the shadows and into the clearing, his body taunt with rage, his head bowed enough so that his bangs hid his eyes.

Something was wrong. He didn't even look up at me.

He calmly started walking out of the shadows, more into the middle of the clearing and closer to the man. His mouth was set in a straight line, his jaw tight, his fists clenched, and his body as tight as a bow. He didn't speak once.

Yes... something was definitely wrong, and I had a feeling that something happened to him while he was following the man, something that would forever change the course of my life more than it already had now that he was in it. A needle pricked my heart, and I felt it slowly start to bleed as Kenshin continued to act as if I wasn't even there.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he raised his eyes to the man sitting on the rock casually grinding his cigarette into the ground. I felt my face pale suddenly, and I forced myself not to look away.

His eyes... dear kami, his eyes...

... Kenshin...

"Welcome Battousai. My name is Udo Jinei. You ready to die yet?" If it had been anybody else and I was not listening very closely, I would have thought he was talking about the weather. He stood up and straightened, his grin never faltering from his face.

Kenshin didn't say anything, only angled his head slightly to look behind Jinei, his flat golden eyes finally landing themselves on me. I couldn't even summon the strength to smile at him. I only stared, silent and shaken, because for once, I felt myself scared of him. But I was also worried, and for the life of me, I couldn't beckon my voice to speak. My heart bled even more.

I may be able to hide my feelings from Jinei, and perhaps from everyone else, but not Kenshin... never Kenshin...

He looked away without a change in his expression, once again tilting his head enough so his bangs hid his eyes expression. Like they needed to anyway, for even I, untrained as I am in sensing a man or persons ki could feel the animosity and hatred rolling off him in waves. "You _will_ regret this, you know." Kenshin's silent voice broke the sudden stillness that had spread across the clearing. Jinei blinked, as if not expecting him to speak, then shrugged carelessly. "So will you, I bet."

Will Kenshin regret coming for me? If what Jinei said was true, is Kenshin regretting his actions? In my heart, I hoped he was.

If he willingly left his comrades for a selfish quest, then I would no longer be willing to let him stay with me. Sure it was true that I loved him, always would, but I would no longer respect him. One life is not worth hundreds, and mine especially is no exception.

"Tell me who hired you, fool, before I kill you." Kenshin's voice was silent, but flat. Deadly.

"Now that wasn't very nice now was it?" Jinei taunted, seemingly unaffected by Kenshin, and the fatal danger he represented. "And I'm _so_ sorry, but I'm under certain obligations by one who delivers that I must under _no_ circumstances to tell you who he is. Oops, I gave you a clue already, didn't I?" He laughed. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you. This opportunity is just too good to resist. Especially," He added. "Since I know your secret."

Jinei pulled out a pocket watch, flipping up the cover to look at the time. "Uhu. Midnight already. Our time to chat has run out." He clicked the watch shut, grinning almost deliriously. "It's the beginning of a _wonderful_ moment."

Kenshin slowly unsheathed his katana, staring down at the blade that gleamed in the moonlight. He seemed to contemplate something, before he looked up and suddenly launched himself at Jinei. They clashed, trading blow for blow. Ten, twenty... I've lost count on how many clangs and screeches of steel hitting and sliding against each other. I reached my bound hands up and silently rubbed both of my ringing ears. Kenshin was on the offensive, attacking again and again with the deadly grace of a trained assassin and samurai.

I watched with bated breath, unable to do anything but watch and silently try to work out the knots that bound my hands together. I got some success, for the ropes loosened somewhat and feeling rushed back into my tingly hands.

With a final hit, the two men jumped apart, running in circles around each other, watching, waiting for an opening so they could strike their opponent in an unguarded area. Jinei moved first, coming in and striking Kenshin for just a moment before jumping back, and for a second, I swear I saw something move out of his crazed eyes.

Kenshin froze for a spilt instant before a loud growl escaped from his throat and he seemed to shake something invisible off of him, ignoring the wind that suddenly began to whip around him. "_Useless_!" He yelled out angrily. "That technique will not work on me!"

Jinei has stopped as well and started chuckling. "Nikaido Heihou... shin no ippo."

Kenshin's lips curled in disgust. "'One side of the soul'... also known as the Isukumi technique—paralyzing terror." His eyes had narrowed as he spoke. "You will not win a battle of wills with me, of that, I can assure you. Quit resorting to petty tricks and fight."

The grin on Jinei's face disappeared for once, a frown replacing it. His eyes were dark and considering. Finally, he shrugged. "Hey, can't blame a man for trying." The grin reasserted itself, and he crouched low.

Kenshin had explained to me briefly about his and other techniques, so I was able to follow along somewhat with what he was doing. And at the moment, I had a feeling Kenshin knew what attack Jinei was going to use.

The thought didn't comfort me as much as I thought it would.

* * *

_My eyes narrowed as I read his movements._

_First, one handed thrust_!

I moved to the side easily. It was sad how little a challenge he really was to me; especially how easy his techniques were to follow.

((A/N Rickie-chan said that he got this from the manga, and I have no idea what ichnographically speaking means—it doesn't seem to be in the dictionary, but this is the definition given for this technique.))

The Nikaido Heihou is a style of three forms, represented by the kanji or "Chinese characters" for "one," "eight," and "ten." Ichnographically speaking the three join to create the "forced" character "hei" thus "Heihou"

His little magic trick, the "shin no ippo," is a technique used to paralyze one's opponent, but in truth it is nothing but a mind battle of wills. If that will is matched, the trick cannot work.

Jinei moved to form the "one" side swing, which I easily ducked and moved out of the way, from there, he went straight to "ten" the bamboo splitter which would have cut straight down the middle.

I maneuvered around and disrupted his line of attack, forcing him back a step. He jumped back, away from my sword and narrowly missed a slice that would have left him headless.

"You read my moves well, Battousai. That title definitely wasn't given to you for nothing. I see now that I cannot win by this approach." He grinned, tilting his head back so he looked down his nose at Kenshin. "But tell me... how would you like it if I did... _this_!" He yelled the last part, swinging his head around till he was looking at Kaoru, and she looked back at him in sudden confusion and alarm.

She gasped and froze, and my face felt suddenly drained of al color, and I felt my insides turn cold.

* * *

_I couldn't move. In fact, I couldn't breath either. I gasped for breath, feeling my eyes water unwillingly and my face start to sweat. What the hell was going on? My lungs felt as if they were frozen, and a heavy weight was pressing steadily on my throat. Fear wrapped around my heart in icy tendrils, and I wanted to run away from this battle, from that man, and from this soon to be haunting memory._

... I couldn't breath...

"Khh...?"

... I couldn't speak...

"K..."

...oh god...

"!... ?"

I'm going to die... Kenshin! Please help me!

"Khh... hh..."

I wanted to call out his name, I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and comfort me, pulling away the restraints that were blocking my throat. "Kaoru!" I heard him call out, but I couldn't answer him. With unwanted tears leaking down my face, I blearily looked up and tried to focus my gaze on Kenshin.

His face was in a state of panic. In my opinion, anyway. His eyes were wide, his mouth slightly open, and I could see fear in his eyes. Fear for me.

And suddenly, I panicked.

I grabbed my throat in desperation, trying to massage my throat, get some feeling, get some air—_something_! My nails scraped the delicate skin of my throat, leaving bright red scratches wherever the tips of my nails landed. The skin almost immediately welted; I could feel it, but I paid no attention and kept scratching at my throat furiously. I hunched over, cradling my hands against my chest, my body shaking with the breaths I couldn't breath, but wanted to.

"_Kaoru_! Jinei—what have you done?" he demanded, his voice coming out like a growl from an angry beast.

With a grin, Jinei deftly flipped his sword around and rested the blade in the palm of his hand. "Oh, I just made my silly "trick" a bit more stronger on her. Enough... to stop her _lungs_."

Kenshin froze, and as I tried to force air in my lungs, my brow furrowed in confusion. Used what to stop my lungs? A _trick_? But _how_? It felt as though someone had wrapped his hands around my throat, squeezing harder and harder and harder...

Distantly, I heard Jinei speaking. "She will last two minutes, at most. Her will is obviously not strong enough to break my technique."

My will...? What was he talking about?

"It's a shame too. A beautiful thing like her dying in such a _messy_ way... and here I was planning to have some fun with her afterwards." I heard, rather than saw his grin, for my eyes were locked onto Kenshin's, and they weren't leaving.

Kenshin bowed his head then, his fiery red bangs covering his eyes like he always did when he was angry.

And then... he disappeared. Just like that.

Even Jinei blinked, his eyes moving around, desperately trying to find Kenshin's form. Reappearing suddenly, he bashed the hilt of his sword into Jinei's face. Blood spurted from the wound, and with a startled noise coming up from somewhere in the back of his throat, he stumbled back. I watched with strangled breath, my eyes wide and watery. Kenshin... why didn't you kill Jinei?

"Ho... very good. This is just like I thought it would be. Grand. This fight is absolutely grand." He smirked, his crazed eyes alight with pleasure as he pushed his broken nose back straight.

Kenshin's eyes were narrowed into slits, the once bright amber of his eyes as flat and cold as stone. "Tell me how to break the spell on Kaoru, and I might consider killing you quickly."

"I'm afraid that's not possible. She can either break it herself or... die! What wonderful choices, aren't they?" I wanted to spit in his face, and with all the saliva collecting in my mouth, I wished he were closer so I could.

Kenshin's chest expanded as he breathed in a sigh. Then he closed his eyes, but his body stayed tense. Waiting.

"Don't close your eyes on _me_, Battousai!" Jinei yelled, launching himself at Kenshin.

Kenshin's eyes snapped open suddenly, a dark, sinister look and something I couldn't quite name shone deeply in his eyes. I would have gasped if I had breath to breath.

_That look_...

Jinei must have seen it too. That dark look etched deeply in his eyes, for his own crazed ones widened and he jumped to the side. He looked intently at Kenshin before grinning, a soft chuckle emanating from his throat.

_This feeling_...

Kenshin turned his head and glared. "Afraid? Why bother attacking, if you're too afraid to get near me?" Kenshin's cold voice, harder than tempered steel, was heard quietly in the frozen air.

For once, I wished the death of another. It was his fault I was going through with this, after all. If only I could breath...

Why wasn't he finishing Jinei off? Didn't he care that I was dying? And I was. My vision was turning almost completely black, and I was having trouble staying conscious. I was going to die soon, and I almost wished that as well. Anything... anything to make this horrible, painful feeling go away...

"Uhu... no, it's not fear that surprised me. It's only that I have come to a great realization. You are already losing your original purpose, aren't you? Tell me, doesn't the smell of blood _excite_you? Don't you revel in its taste? Its smell? Its _texture_? Don't you _love_ its color?" Jinei sneered, the laugh that emerged from his throat sounded near hysterical.

Kenshin's mouth opened just a bit, and his eyes widened slightly. Jinei laughed harder. "Don't tell me you didn't realize? Even _I_ could feel the bloodlust coming off of you! The bloodlust in your eyes... it's _incredible_! I bet you're just itching to _rip_ me apart for what I did to your woman, aren't you? Welcome it, Battousai! _Enjoy_ the killing! Just think—after awhile, you wont even feel the_guilt_ anymore!"

My eyes widened, the tears running down my face unheeded. Suddenly, it all became clear to me.

That poor man...

I didn't think it was possible, but pricks of pity started to poke the edges around the blasted organ that was my heart. I couldn't believe it. Here this man was killing me and trying to kill Kenshin, and here I was, feeling sorry for him! Sano would have hit me upside my head, I know.

_"Just think—after awhile, you wont even feel the guilt anymore!"_

I was concentrating so much on trying to breath, while keeping tabs on the battle. Jinei's words clicked in my mind, and I suddenly realized... that...

It wasn't bloodlust that took over him. And it wasn't bloodlust that was taking over Kenshin.

It was madness.

Madness was the look I saw in his eyes, what I saw in Kenshin's eyes. Madness was what I saw teetering on the edge of his sanity that night so long ago, when Kenshin saw Sakura's inn burned down with her and her two children still inside. Madness was what he had been fighting that night I found him huddled in the corner of his room, the night he first held me in his arms.

I gasped sharply, breath escaping into my lungs, past the invisible barrier.

Oh no...

... Kenshin...

...My poor, darling Kenshin...

"_Kill_ me Battousai! Kill me and let that feeling take over!" Jinei yelled again.

Jinei...

In order to help assuage his guilt of killing, he sold his soul to madness so he could continue killing, only... he got lost. Too much madness took over, and he switched sides against his original ideals so he could continue murder.

That poor, poor man...

Kenshin shook his head his head, as if clearing unwanted thoughts. "No. You are just a coward and were too weak to resist. Now tell me the truth—tell me how to break the spell you put on Kaoru."

Jinei looked over at me, a look of longing passing through his dark eyes. He shrugged. "I cant. Like I said, she must break it on her own or my will must be completely shattered. Of course, both are impossible. She is far too weak minded to break this one. And I..." he grinned. "I shall be invincible." He held his sword in front of him, and I dizzily tried to keep watch. But my vision was failing me. My head felt like it was exploding, and my heart felt like it was being squeezed. Though my throat was frozen, it burned with the need for oxygen. I needed air!

Kenshin's lip curled slightly. "Then... I will just have to kill you. No loss, as far as I am aware." Though he didn't make any outward movements besides the curling of his lips, his eyes narrowed and were intently watching Jinei's movements.

Jinei spoke as he stared down at the gleaming metal of his sword. "People are so vulnerable to suggestion. If we believe we are sick, our bodies fail. If we believe we can't breath, we suffocate! And that is the power... of shin no ippo! It makes one believe... and the body responds!"

All at once, it all made sense. ((she's a thinker, isn't she? ))

Somehow, he made me believe that I couldn't breath; that somebody was suffocating me; choking me to death. That one moment when I spotted Kenshin's madness, I forgot all about that suffocating feeling, my thoughts completely on Kenshin. I forgot for that one moment, and I could breath. But when I focused on that single breath, those invisible fingers were once again squeezing.

If that were the case...

I closed my eyes, focusing my will into breathing. I could breath. I just had to believe I could. I brought my bound hands and felt my throat, my fingers tracing where I felt those imaginary fingers, and my fingertips brushed against nothing but the smoothness of my skin and the thin welting lines I inflicted upon myself.

_See_? I told myself. There's nothing there. No one is trying to kill me. My throat loosened up, and I smiled as sweet breath rushed into my burning lungs. I bowed my head a bit, working on my hands and trying to loosen the knot even more than I already had. With some force, I squeezed one out , blocking the sounds of the battle as I used my free hand to release the other.

I opened my eyes slightly and slipped out of the shrine as a bright light filled the clearing. As I drifted off into the woods behind the small shrine, I caught Jinei's words. "Even for the master—it is so!" Did he use the technique on himself? I did not care. Even he said that he could not win the battle so, confident that Kenshin would win, I did not look back as I disappeared into the shadows.

I don't think either of them noticed my departure.

I stumbled blindly for a moment, my eyes still seeing black spots and my head a dizzy mess. But I followed the sound of water, desperate to splash some cold fresh water onto my face.

I fell to my knees once I reached the shore of a creek, leaning down and cupping water with my hands. After splashing my face a few times, I took gasping breaths and stared at myself in the waters reflection, again ignoring the sound of clashing swords in the distance, and immersing myself in the weakness called self-pity and deprecation

Why me?

What was so special about me that made Kenshin go against orders and come after me? surely it wasn't my looks that was for sure, for I knew myself to be quite plain. Then it must be because... I sighed.

He was a fool.

He left so many of people to their deaths all to save one insignificant person. He should not have took the chance to trade all their lives for mine! Did he purposefully want me to feel the heavy weight of guilt their deaths placed on my shoulders? I would now have to live with the fact that because of me, so many lives would be lost.

A crunching of leaves was heard behind me, and instinctively I knew it to be Kenshin. As I stared down into the water, his reflection was shown behind me. His were soft as he too stared down into my eyes from the waters reflection. he had a small scratch on his face, the opposite side from where he had his cross shaped scar, but other than that, i did not see anyother injuries.

"You _fool_." I whispered harshly, closing my eyes and bowing my head so that my bangs shadowed my eyes. "You fool! How could you _do_ this to me? How could you leave your comrades behind just because of me? People are going to die because of me!" My hands were in front of me in the mud, and I slowly clenched them into fists, mud oozing from between my fingers. "How could you make such a horribly selfish choice? I am not _worth_ the lives of others! I'm not worth _anything_! How could you do that?" My voice ended on a pitiful sob, and tears I thought I no longer had started to well up in my eyes.

I felt and heard him drop to his knees behind me and grasp my forearms, jerking me around roughly. I gasped, the tears I had fought to stay in fell, and I had no choice but to look into his eyes.

"Don't you say that! Don't you _ever_ say that again! You're worth everything, dammit! Everything! Don't realize that? You're worth everything to _me_!" He spoke so fiercely and with such passion, I could only stare up at him in amazement, for it was the most emotion I had seen him express so clearly.

He grasped me by my shoulders and yanked me to his chest, one arm wrapping around the small of my back, his hand clenching the fabric of my kimono tightly, and his other arm was wrapped tightly around my shoulders and holding my head tucked under his chin. His nose buried itself in my neck, and under my cheek and through the fabric of his gi, his heart thundered wildly.

"You are worth every sacrifice, Kaoru." He spoke softly, quietly, and gravely. I felt the words rumbling from his chest, and I rubbed my cheek where his heart was and instinctively snuggled closer so his warmth could penetrate through my weary bones. "When I went looking for you and found his note... when I realized he took you away from me... I went crazy. I go crazy without you, koishi. I couldn't let you die."

Though a well of happiness was bubbling up inside of me at his words, tendrils of despair rose with it. "But _Kenshin_," I whispered, my muddy hands carelessly coming up to his chest and tightly clenching in his gi. "No life is more important than any other. A life is a life, and nobody should have that precious gift taken away from them."

He was silent for a moment, and him being a hitokiri, I thought that those might have been the wrong words to speak. "But I couldn't lose you, Kaoru. I won't be able to stand losing another woman I care about." He murmured, his voice tight.

I gasped softly. He was talking about his deceased wife, Tomoe... Was he saying he is in love with me too? I shook my head once. "But Kenshin... what about your ideals? What have you been_fighting_ for? Do you even remember?"

"Yes," He murmured. "I remember."

"Then don't let yourself forget." I pulled back slightly, looking up pleadingly into his eyes. "Your ideals mean everything to you, Kenshin. Don't throw them away just for me." Don't let all those deaths by your hands be for nothing.

His eyes told me he understood, but he shook his head anyway. "I would. You mean everything to me, Kaoru, and I would sacrifice everything just to keep you." He pulled me back to his chest, his hand idly stroking my hair. "Remember those words, Koi. They're not ones I will repeat often." He sighed. "I know what I'm doing, and I refuse to let you die while I fight a battle that won't even be taking place."

My brows furrowed in confusion at his words, but I shook my head. I was stubborn, dammit, and I wasn't going to go down that easily. "Ten lives are more important than one. Twenty are more important than two. Don't forget what you're fighting for Kenshin. And if it means going against orders and endangering your comrades, do not rescue me again."

His arms tightened around me as he settled back more comfortably on his haunches. "I'm afraid I can't do that. I will always rescue you. Besides, the Ishin Shishi already moved out and are heading towards Kyoto. There will not be a battle and people will not get killed."

He cupped my jaw with one calloused hand, tilting my face up to his. Before I could react, his mouth settled over mine. His thumb pressed down at the corner of my mouth until I opened up to him, losing myself in sensation. His mouth slanted over mine and he greedily drank up what I offered. I felt his hands through my kimono, and I groaned softly in pleasure. Reluctantly, he pulled back, resting his forehead against mine and breathing harshly.

"Come on, Kaoru." He said hoarsely. "We need to get back."

Helping me to my feet, he led me into town where we would stay the night at an inn before heading back home. I held his hand tightly in mine, glad for night sky obscuring the tears streaming down my face.

My time with Kenshin was over, and it was time I opened my eyes to the dream I had been foolishly living.

That night when we made camp under a huge oak tree, when I closed my eyes to sleep, I closed the door to my heart. Locking the tiny key away somewhere safe so that, when I awoke that one fateful evening with Kenshin's room empty, I will be able to force myself not to cry.


	13. Goodbye for Now

Standard disclaimer applies.

...

The Sound of Jasmine

By: Luna

Part 13: Reflection

...

I didn't know what to think.

Side with the man I love, and go against what I believe in and accept his merciless act of killing?

I loved Kenshin, I truly did—but was he really justified in killing Jinei? True the man kidnapped me, but other than tying my hands together, the man didn't touch me at all. Well, other than when he put me in the shrine...

_I glared at him defiantly as he gently placed me inside the small shrine. He stood back and stared at me for a few minutes, and for a moment, the craziness that had held his eyes captive for what was most likely half of his life, faded away until all I saw when I stared into his eyes was a lost soul that was too lost, too broken even then as he bared itself to my defiant gaze, to ask for help or even a small word of reprieve._

_His hand reached out and the tips of his fingers stroked my cheek with a gentleness I knew not he possessed, and I flinched under his touch. His spine stiffened, and he straightened as he sat on a large boulder just a few feet away, emitting a soft "hmph" before he pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and taking a long drag. He laughed suddenly a few moments later, shaking his head in what seemed like amusement but I couldn't be sure. "He made it here faster than I expected."_

I couldn't help but shudder every time I recalled Kenshin's hard expression—or the calculating way he stared his enemy down as he figured out which strike would kill his opponent. I knew he killed, the name Battousai spoken from Kenshin's lips were proof enough for me. Then why on earth was I feeling this way? My limbs trembled in terror, and I knew my eyes were still wide with shock. And I swore I still felt those restricting hands wrapping tighter around my throat...

___My lungs felt as if they were frozen, and a heavy weight was pressing steadily on my throat. My heart squeezed painfully inside a cage of ice made of fear, and I wanted to run, run away from everything that happened this day—this week, and run away from this incident that is about to become a haunting memory for me—most probably going to visit me night after night in the terrible form of a nightmare..._

What was _wrong_ with me? Fighting back a sob, I rose shakily to my feet and out the door of the rented room Kenshin got me and padded softly towards his room that was across from mine. Opening the door silently, I paused in the doorway, surprised at the sight that greeted me.

Kenshin was... sleeping.

I have _never_, _ever_ seen Kenshin sleep before.

Shutting the door behind me, I pulled my sleeping yukata that Kenshin said he bought from the inn, more tightly around me before I walked silently to his side, kneeling beside him. His face was softer when he slept. The hard lines around his eyes and mouth softened, the furrow between his brows no longer there. He looked years younger, not the nineteen years he told me he was. The vibrant red of his hair was smooth and sleek and surprisingly unbound in the shadows, looking like the blood red color the sun sometimes gets when it sets, the many shades of light catching in his hair and making it seem as if embers from a fire still burned. The deep cross on his cheek—deeper and more new than I first thought; the scarring tissue more pink upon closer inspection.

His mouth was relaxed and slightly open as he breathed deeply. His lips were full—looking too sensuous to be placed on a man. The light made shadows play upon his features, his gi slightly open, exposing the smooth planes of his chest. Almost against my will, I lifted my hand and brushed my fingertips lightly against his face, underneath his eyes, tracing the path of his cheekbones.

His eyes fluttered for a moment before opening. My eyes widened when his eyes were no longer the hard color of topaz, but instead the soft color of lilac blossoms, turning deeper until they shone like amethyst. Time seemed to slow down as he stared into my eyes unrecognizable for a second before yellow amber once again returned and he grabbed the front of my robe and shoved me to the floor beneath him. It took another split second for me to realize his blade was at my throat. Again.

All this happened in less than thirty seconds. I did not welcome the deja vu.

My breath came out in sharp gasps as I felt the metal lightly graze my throat, but even that light touch was enough to draw blood, and I felt a little dribble down my neck. Kenshin was breathing harshly, his body now fully resting on top of mine as he flung his sword across the room, before he dropped his head to my shoulder. I lay there frozen, not even registering the harsh, dry sobs I heard him gasp, and my arms lay paralyzed at my sides pressed against the tatami mat underneath us. The tears that were dried on my cheeks welled up once more in my eyes, and I did the only thing that a frightened girl could do, and I started to cry.

I was silent, however. I stayed still as a stone as Kenshin raised his hands up and burried them in my long hair. Stayed paralyzed as he kissed my throat and lightly licked my cut, cleaning the blood from my skin.

Nightmares, I knew, were not what had plagued him. He had slept and dreamt a dream that must have been so wonderful and filled with happiness, that it changed the hard amber of his eyes to something even more beautiful; a warm and loving mauve—an eye color I never knew a person had. I had surprised him when I touched his face, and he must have thought I was an enemy of some sort. In his world of assassins, I could understand why he must have been so wary, so frightened, and I knew I couldn't blame him for reacting in such a way.

Slowly, I pushed myself from underneath him to a sitting position, cradling Kenshin's head in my lap as he wrapped his arms around my middle and cried into my stomach. But I knew that no tears left his eyes. How I knew, I can't really say. It could be that I felt no warm liquid soaking through the thin material of my sleeping robe. It could be that I knew a man like Kenshin never could really cry tears. But this was enough. Just knowing he could express his feelings, no matter how sad, in ways outside the icy mask he can't bring himself to remove from his face.

Besides... I had the feeling that... that there just weren't any tears to be had. There were too many things in his life to mourn. If he started now, he'd never be able to stop.

I cried silently as I rocked back and forth, holding the person I held most dear to me than any other to my stomach. "What… what were you dreaming about?" I murmured silently, hoping that he would open up to me enough to tell me. I waited until his shoulders stopped shivering and his arms to loosen around me slightly before asking him again.

"I was... dreaming about you." A sigh escaped his lips as my fingertips brushed across his unmarred cheek. He breathed a sigh so full of wistfulness my heart ached. I said nothing.

"We were in paradise." Once again, his eyes turned that hazy amethyst, and a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. I stared in amazement at the expression I knew I might never see again. "At first, I was all alone, standing in the middle of a green meadow—green so bright and beautiful; it must have been in the spring time. In the distance, you could see mountains that still had the tips covered in snow. I think it was just after a battle, because my clothes were torn and dirty, soaked in… that color. And I was tired. Grass billowed all around me like the tides of the ocean, and I swear I heard the sound of a running brook nearby."

He breathed in deeply, as if he were smelling what he had in the dream. "Then I smelt… jasmine. I turned around, and there you were, standing there smiling at me... you held out your hand then and said..."

"... What?" I whispered as silent as I could lest I break the spell that seemed to have woven itself around us. Something monumental was happening here. Kenshin; my cold, detached Kenshin, was opened his heart for me, telling me things I knew he probably didn't want to say.

"Welcome home..." He breathed out on a sigh as he closed his eyes. "Kenshin..."

Tears welled up in my eyes once more, only this time not in sadness or fear. I closed my eyes in case they fell, smiling to myself when I felt him fall asleep in my arms.

Home never looked so welcoming as it did when Kenshin and I strode hand in hand inside the front gates.

I forgot the past that always seemed to hang its heavy and weary head on my shoulders, and smiled when everything was the same as it was when I was taken. I watched silently as Kenshin let go of my hand and made his way inside the house, no doubt getting tea or something for us to drink.

He hadn't said a word about what had happened a few nights ago. When we both awoke the next morning, I was leaning up against the wall with his head still in my lap and our arms still around each other. He had quietly sat up and told me it was time for us to go, then walked across the room, sheathed his sword that he had flung across the room the night before, and marched outside. He was waiting for me outside the inn when I was ready to leave.

But since then... nothing. Not even a 'how are you?'

I wonder... if he regretted his actions. Well, of course he regretted it; drawing his sword on me was the last thing that was most likely on his mind—I'd be a stupid fool if I believed otherwise. But... if he regretted showing _that_ side of him to me. But while I was thinking and pondering over his regrets, I wondered if his late wife was shown that side. Did he let her see the softer side of him? Did he let her watch and touch his face while he slept? Had she ever been frightened of him, while at the same time loving him with all her heart and soul?

I wasn't jealous. Or, at least, I don't think I was. Loving someone took time; time to feel, time to get to know, and time to adjust. I was almost positive he loved me, even though I longed to hear the words. But I wouldn't press him or push the matter. I shouldn't be so selfish by asking him to put what he and I felt together into three simple words, so I'm not going to.

Sometimes, I've learned, that words just aren't needed. Smiles, touches, and gestures sometimes speak more than mere words. The way his facial expression stayed stony, but his eyes would smile and warm to a point where I'd feel flushed. The way he would lightly touch my elbow or my hand throughout the day, as if he couldn't get by without those simple pleasures. He would wait for me at dinner, placing the mats side by side and close together so that our elbows would 'accidentally' bump into each while eating.

And now... well, maybe it was just my imagination, but something was wrong with him, and my curiosity was going to get me in trouble with him again. I should ask him what had been irritating him so.

But... maybe I'll wait awhile.

When we arrived back at home, he said nothing, just went straight to his room and shut the door behind him.

I stared for a long time at the door, waiting for him to come out and speak to me, hoping that he'd come out to maybe even _look_ at me. But the door stayed shut, and not even a whisper of sound or movement was heard from the inside. Eventually, I went to my own room, listing to the small hiss of the shoji sliding shut.

A few more days went by, and still he ignored me. It hurt. It hurt with a pain I thought I had gotten used to feeling, only for it to come back and remind me I hadn't. Why was he avoiding me? At my wits end and fast losing my temper, I approached him. I wanted to go up to him, demand at him, rage at him for hurting me.

But the one night when I spied him under his favorite tree, standing up and staring into the midnight sky, I only said, "Why are you running from me?" Very silent, and very painful. I didn't understand, and I wanted to, if only he'd explain.

He looked at me for such a long time, I thought he wasn't going to answer me and, in the end, it seemed he wasn't, for he only turned his back and started back towards his room. But I wouldn't let him turn away from me now. I wanted answers, and I wanted them now! "Kenshin!" I cried out, "Don't you walk away from me, dammit! Talk to me!"

His head was bowed, his shoulders stiff, and I felt my own shoulders start to slump in failure.

"Why do you stay with me? Why do you want to?"

His quiet voice startled me, but I only stared at his back sadly. "You should already know that, Kenshin. And if you don't, then I don't understand why you're here."

He froze.

"I love you, Kenshin. You know I do. Please don't push me away anymore... I can't take it..." My strong voice ended up nothing more than a whisper. I started to cry.

He was in front of me in an instant, gathering me in his arms and burying his head in my neck. "Why? Why do you love me? How can you? I'm nothing but a murderer. What reason do you have to want to stay with me?"

"Kenshin..." I whispered, burying myself deep in his chest. "Reason? When has reason ever have to do with love? I don't need a reason for why I love you, Kenshin. I just do. I can't help myself."

Silently, he tipped my head back, kissing me fully on the mouth, his lips never leaving mine until I couldn't stand on my own and my breath came out in gasps. I ran my fingers through his hair in wonder, smiling to myself as I watched the silken strands slip through my fingers. Kenshin shook his head, grabbing my wrists to stop me. He spoke softly, "You shouldn't mess with something stained with such a tainted color."

Tainted color...? Realization dawned. Red. To him, red was nothing but the color of blood.

"That red color of your hair... do you really think the only thing that color represents is blood? Idiot," I murmured as I grabbed a handful of it and held it in front of my face. "There are other things in the world that hold the same color. Quit acting like you don't deserve anything and stop finding ways to hate yourself."

I heard him sigh, but I ignored him as I took his hand in mine and led him to my bedroom. I was nervous. What woman wouldn't be when offering herself to a man? There were so many things I wanted to say to him; so many things that would never be heard. Instead, I wanted to hold him close to my heart, watch his face in the darkness, and tell him without words how much he meant to me.

I felt words would be meaningless. I felt he truly wouldn't feel the depth of my love for him, unless I showed him how foolish he was in the first place for ever thinking that he didn't deserve me, or that we didn't deserve each other. He needed somebody to be his anchor, and no god was going to fill that spot for him. He needed somebody to take his hand and show him he no longer had to be afraid. He needed somebody... exactly like me.

I would never make him feel that he wasn't wanted where he belonged. I would never make him feel as if he were alone. I knew that if he came to me after this retched war was over, he would cherish me because I would cherish him, and he would love and need me because I loved and needed him. I would tell him I loved him every night until the day we died, so that even when he closed his eyes and slept a sleep he'd never wake up from again, he'd know that someone had been there and loved him, and he'd know thatthat someone was me.

I couldn't fault him for being so hesitant in accepting what I freely offered. To me, it was just something that proved how great and worthy he was to find happiness, because he showed restraint when other men would have been stumbling with their ties in their haste to bed a virgin woman. For that, I loved him all the more, and because of the fact that I loved him, I felt no shame in opening my arms to a man that was not yet my husband, and letting him be the one to truly make me a woman.

He taught me that night so many wondrous things. Things that made the darkness behind my closed lids turn to blinding flashes of light. How he made my stomach clench and feel like there was no longer a world around us, for it shattered the moment hejoined with was only him, and it was only me, living in a world created by us, loving in a world that could never be.

I told him I loved him again. Over and over and over, making sure he'd never forget. Whispering in his ear how dear he was to me, telling him with my eyes my sorrow, but showing him with my smile my joy.

It was a futile effort when I reached for him in the morning. I knew he was not there, yet still I reach and I probed the spot beside me and searched for the man who left me without even saying goodbye.

I waited for him. Waited until the sun was high in the sky, and even after it had fallen. I waited in hope that there was some miniscule chance that he'd return for me. I waited in vain. He would no longer come to me. He would no longer let me hold him, let me kiss him, or let me love him. That night, I closed my eyes to the harsh, hurtful truth.

Kenshin had left.

Things went on as they usually did.

I went to work, came home, cleaned, put all the finishing touches on the gift I sewed for Kenshin, and went to bed. Sanosuke was by me the entire time, not saying a word. Just being there was enough to give me comfort.

When I finally felt as though my life was getting back on track, another tragedy struck, in a form I had least expected.

"Kaoru!" Sanosuke yelled as he barged into the tavern near the end of my shift. It was cold outside; the wind blowing fiercely snow whirls inside. Customers complained, but Sanosuke ignored them. It was then that I realized that he was covered in soot, holding a dirty package under his arm. I recognized it immediately. It was the present that I had made for Kenshin, onlyI was unable to give it to him.

I walked over to him as quick as I could, my hair swaying gently behind me in its loose ponytail. "Sanosuke! What is this all about?"

"The house is on fire."

I didn't say anything. I just stared at him silently for a moment before I went in the back and grabbed my shawl, and then silently followed him out the door. When I saw the flames reaching high in the air, I started running, Sanosuke calling after me in vain.

I stopped in front of the gates, my feet covered in the snow that had started falling a week before, my hair blowing with the wind wildly about my face. How could my life be so horrible? Kami gave me life as a child, killed my family, gave me Kenshin to love, only to take him away again, and then burned my house to the ground. Would my sorrow ever end?

Sanosuke's hand landed heavily on my shoulder. "C'mon, Kaoru. I have a place in Tokyo. Come live with me there. There is nothing here for you anymore."

He was right. I had no family, no Kenshin. Nothing held me here any longer. Not even Kasane, who was fast becoming a friend to me once again.

Without a word, I nodded, and he led me back with him to the inn he was staying at. He took care of work matters for me while I sat listlessly in my rented room, and the next day, we started our journey to Tokyo.

The ashes of my heart still burned with dying embers, but I was too worn out to even attempt to fan them back to a flame. The sorrow in my chest felt as though it would never go away. The constant ache behind my eyes that always threatened to release its tears never left me. Sanosuke was there, true, but when I glanced at my side, always expecting to see the face of a man I'll never see again, always looking for the shadow that should be beside mine, hurt me the most and in a way I thought would surely kill me.

I left with Sanosuke, trying to seal the remnants of my echoing pain, wary that it might be heard by ears I didn't want to be aware, and leaving the shattered remains of my past behind me, in the ashes of the place I once called home.

A stranger in my own country, I took the first step that day into a new life I had never expected to find, living in a place I never expected to live, and meeting people I never thought would change me, warming my heart to what life was supposed to be.

Kenshin. a day never went by that I didn't think of his haunting, lonely eyes. Not a minute passed by with the hope that any minute, Kenshin would appear along the horizon, his topaz eyes searching the landscape for a woman I hoped he couldn't live without. The shadow and presence of the man that should be beside me was a constant andlonely ache in my side, but its presence still welcomed. I would not turn away from the memory of his face, or the hope that he would come looking for me,was the only thing keeping me stable.

All I could think, was that I hoped to all the gods out there, that he would look for the woman he had once loved, not resting until he found her, while she not rested until he came back.


End file.
